Thanks for your replies. I had my session tonight but couldn't tell him about my feelings. I did manage to tell him that I was avoiding talking to him so he didn't learn too much from me so I answer his questions in as few words as possible. I also told him I enjoyed when he got something wrong. Eventually I admitted there was something I wanted to tell him but I wanted to figure it out before I talked about it, I wanted to understand it and all the ramifications. After a while I told him I...Read More...

Hi True North. Thanks for your reply. I have bought up my concerns especially about the no-talking and no reassurance numerous times...that is why I just stopped talking last time. I was getting no support. I'm not saying that T has to be a cheerleader, but what's the point of having therapy if it just truly does replicate the past? I had another therapist for several years and I felt supported, T talked and was engaging with me, and reassured me when appropriate. It was difficult and there...Read More...

Thanks SG, I read your post last night and tried to reply but I guess the site was being serviced. Thank you for seeing how important what happened yesterday was for me. I wasn't sure anyone would see that....so yes, I got what you said and thanks again. It is painful to be in misery without relief so to find something that works and helps the kid inside is very cool. I am still totally amazed at how our brain/nervous system and body are connected and can work together to help us get better...Read More...

Dear IHTS, Do not Give Up! Does your T believe in EMDR?? It went a long way in helping me to eliminate or at least it took the power away from intrusive thoughts that just made me miserable. LunaRead More...

Hi all! Thanks for the word of encouragement AG...they mean a lot. I still haven't made my decision which is terrible as I know it is my way of taking the easy route..not making the decision so that I run out of time. SG....well done on the work in your sessions. The boundary thing scares me so much I never feel like I can cross it at all. I once sent an email to him when I thought I was in danger of doing something really stupid and felt terrible when he rang me back straight away..I do NOT...Read More...

HB, Not possible since I want to be you when I grow up. The master should not sit at the feet of the student. AGRead More...

Hi I'm OK, Sorry I have taken so long to respond! Life keeps intruding. My T's office has a recliner which he sits in and across from it is a loveseat and chair. I sit on the left side of the loveseat both during my couples session and my individual sessions. (There are a couple of pillows on the loveseat which I love to clutch for comfort!). My husband sits in the chair. We tried switching once and got really uncomfortable. Like sleeping on the wrong side of the bed. There's a large round...Read More...

Samy, I think it's great your T came to visit you in hospital. I hope you're feeling better! I think having rigid, unflexible boundaries is just as damaging for a client as not maintaining good enough boundaries. The boundaries should be based on the needs of the individual client so I don't think you're T did anything wrong in coming to visit you. I don't think you like her too much, I just think its scary to like her so much because in the past it was dangerous. But she's safe, so enjoy...Read More...

Hi Echo, While I agree that sometimes divorce is the right thing to do, and that staying in an abusive marriage can be worse for the kids than a divorce, I also believe that it should be a last resort. I know for me that getting involved outside my marriage was a clear symptom that something was missing in my marriage. But during counseling it became clear that at least part of the problem was my inability to get close to ANYONE. If I had left my husband, deciding that I had just chosen the...Read More...

Thank you, Attachment Girl. That was very insightful. I've got a lot to think about.Read More...

Mlc, Not at all!!! Sorry you felt that way. I've been on vacation and my posting has been few and far between, I'm trying to find some time to catch up because I've got so much to write. Please don't feel that way at all, you didn't nothing at all wrong. I've struggled with all the same feelings so there was nothing shocking in what you said. Life just gets in the way of posting sometimes. AGRead More...

Hi LTF--I am very curious about your 15yo self--why is it that you do have so little compassion for her? What was she like? Was she scared? What was she afraid of? What did she do that was so wrong? Do your feelings for her prevent you from taking care of yourself now? (I too have parts of me that I hate and consequently, I have a real hard time comforting myself now...the very thought of it fills me with such anger--)....very curious, mlcRead More...

Hi, I didn't read the thread you're referring to but here's one thing I've learned about transference so far; I think you can have it and not even realise it. For example, there have been times where I was so furious with my therapist that I wanted to tell him to go F himself and never see him again because he said something that hurt me. It took a while to see that the hurt feelings - triggered by my T - were really kind of a referred pain from an original hurt from my father...or my...Read More...

Hi emogirl and welcome to the forum! I'm so glad that you've been helped by what you've read here. You should be really proud of yourself for going to your T and being open about your feelings, it's a very scary thing to do. And it's great your T reacted so well. I have really found that being as open about my feelings with my T as I'm capable of has really helped me to heal. And you'll find a lot of support and wisdom here for what you're going through. Looking forward to getting to know...Read More...

Hi BW: congrats on the publications!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Read More...

Thank you for the warm welcome BW. And just so you know, I think that everyone has insight...whether they have experience in the topic presented or not...don't sell yourself short.Read More...

Very cool. I think that this is what mature love looks like. When we don't need to mold the person into what we want because what they do is not a reflection of us. Of course this is easier said then done and takes tremedous ego strength. I can look back now and see how I have lost a few of my relationships this way, by holding on too tight.Read More...

Thank you for the info Shrinklady I don't feel so bad about having trouble with this search now. Unfortunately, the site you list is pretty much for the wrong side of the continent I will definitely be attending your webinar! Thanks again,Read More...

I know there are alot of counseling places out there, but i just want to share with this community what has made all the difference for my family and that is inhome family counseling, plus life coaching. I ran into a company called Harmony Crisis Management Group. www.harmonycmg.com and they have counselors around the country. I'm sure if you mention my name they know who i am bc i have thanked them so much. They sent a counselor into my home as opposed to having to go to an office and it...Read More...

Well I worked so hard with my T yesterday. And it was one of the most wonderful sessions we've had. I refused to let my guard come up, so it left me very exposed, but I also got so much more out of it than i normally do. I told my T about last time, where the defensiveness came from, and she immediately apologised (which wasn't necessary - I know she didn't mean to hurt me). She didn't even realise it was so touchy for me and how could she when I didn't tell her and when I didn't react. I...Read More...

HB, In my busyness I just read your post. Isn't this what it's all about?? Sounds like you've been becoming your own Self....equal and valid and whole. This is why therapy is so exciting! It's about maturing and it's awesome that we can find that opportunity after our childhood/teenage years. I loved reading about your progress. Hope you have a marvelous day. KarieRead More...

LTF - Don't feel bad if you need to close your eyes. If it helps you to get better, then do it. I'm sure your P will be just fine with it. I've asked my P to turn around in his chair, so that I saw his back. We were talking like that ! LOL I also felt childish and like we were playing a game. It was embarrassing, but it helped me to open up and express what I needed to!Read More...