very good for you! i doubt i'll ever be done but oh well. i workin hard ya know? HB... i din't kno you in south africa! how cool is that? samyRead More...

I have been reading this thread over and over I am sure as we all do from time to time, reading someone else's words and the way they feel about themselves and go "Uh, did I write that? How did they express what I've been feeling my entire life? How did they know?" For example: "Everything I do is wrong." "I can't even breathe right!" and as my T hears from me on a regular basis "There is something wrong with me." HB this statement particularly floored me: So often I feel that everyone else...Read More...

(((HB))) thank you for your post to my thread. I relate so much to your feelings. I once described my wrong feeling as "I'm not a real person". They didn't get it but I suspect you might. I look real but inside I'm not like everybody else. I appreciate you trying to explain observing yourself and how it feels for you. I am impressed you were able to feel and observe the fear in yourself and that you got "I can". I am so glad for you that your next session was easier (or more talkative). It...Read More...

PL that was a very courageous and big step you took today to read her what you had written instead of mailing it. Not only that, but you wrote about your feelings for her! I am so glad your words were met with such total acceptance and peace. I have had that feeling with my T that you now feel. I hope yours stays with you for a really long time. I think when our T's are honest and genuine with us is when we feel the connection most and we take that away with us when we leave them. Your T was...Read More...

Wynne, The Simarillion always make me think of The Music of the Ainur through which creation was accomplished. Especially since the discords introduced by evil are eventually resolved. The promise that in the end good will triumph over evil. So I'm good with the Simarillion. (OK, confession time, I have a first edition copy. But again, I must emphasize, I don't speak elvish, either Quenyan or Sindarin. ) AGRead More...

HB, I'm accepting the apology back but only because you're being firm. And you were braver than brave.Read More...

JM, I totally get the importance of music. I have a very broad eclectic taste in music, and I think for the longest time I used music to get to the emotions that I needed to. Music was such an important part of my healing that when my first T retired, I actually made her a 2 CD set of really significant songs from my time with her with a written eplanation for each song and what it had meant to me. So yeah, you're crazy. I have a tendency to sing alot and I'm very grateful that the woman I...Read More...

Kat - I do the same thing to an extent, except I never really show the emotion fully - because I forced myself not to sometime in my junior high years. I don't get excited, and I don't get mad, I don't cry and I don't laugh. At parties or in groups I spent most of my time watching what other people were doing and I would imitate them. I knew there was a huge delay between the incident/joke/bad news and my reaction, so I just taught myself not to react. Everyone thinks I'm the shy, calm and...Read More...

AG, I'm really sorry for what you've been going through. But it's gotta be pretty great, through all that pain, to be able to feel like you've got a bedrock of self that isn't going to go away no matter how bad it gets. I've been hiding a bit, too. Not even reading. S'nice to feel like I can handle coming back.Read More...

Thanks! Forgivness of 'self' is tricky eyh? RobinRead More...

Hi Kats, Good to hear from you and that you're doing so well. It is an amazing feeling when you realize that it's quiet inside. Its a sure sign you're feeling more grounded which provides you with more resources to deal with your life. So even though some stuff may be finding a way in through your subconscious, be aware that you are even more prepared to deal with it. As we heal and increase our capacity, we can deal with more difficult material, which in turn clears out space and energy...Read More...

OW, That is a good feeling to be able to do that isn't it? It shows a deep contentment that you are able to have within yourself and that is something that is yours to hold onto forever. Sometimes it will feel crowded out by other emotions, but I think that becomes more temporary and the contentment along with positive beliefs become more of a solid base. JMRead More...

we taking a course called 'research methods' and well i were so hopin that meant math but it don't. we just gotta know how to read articles of research stuff in them like statistic stuff but not have to do the math stuff. i totally love math! but we don't got the extra time for me to also learn that statistic math stuff. stinks i say. samyRead More...

You caught that huh, Samy? LOL!Read More...

JM - I can feel the contentness oozing from your post, I am very happy for you. Your post reminds me of what my T said just this morning... when you feel a connection (usually a parent) and feel that unconditional love and acceptance, it stays with you even when that person isn't around or isn't there anymore. You just feel it so deeply that it is part of what gives you the confidence to go out on your own and live your life. She said if you didn't have that growing up it doesn't mean you...Read More...

Yay!Read More...

That's a very good point JM. I never felt bad calling my doctor after hours when I was pregnant, or calling the pediatrician, so why is this any different? And when I think about it, I really don't look at my own job as a 9-5. I think about it after hours and I do work after hours too and I don't feel annoyed, in fact sometimes it makes me feel good to put forth the extra effort when it was really needed. So if I do that in my job, which is not nearly as critical as a therapist's job, I can...Read More...

KATS: Congradulations! Sounds like you ARE growing--in positivity!! keep up the good work! ajbRead More...

Hi Kats - just wanted to check in this morning and let you know I'm thinking of you and hoping your session goes well today. OWRead More...

JM I swear you should become a T. You have such a way of explaining things that makes so much sense to me. Maybe I'll get there someday. Or not. PLRead More...

thanks for the replies. I think that boundaries change from therapist to therapist and also from the types of therapy that you do.Read More...

AJB, I don't think it's childish either. And I would probably call if I knew I could get a hold of my T or I knew he would call back. OWRead More...

Very good because similar things crossed my mind after I decided. It's really from a recurring phrase from one of my favorite books, The Hotel New Hampshire - "Keep passing the open windows." Literally it means don't jump out the window and kill yourself, but to me it's my reminder to not give up, no matter how bad things seem.Read More...

Yes that is why you see her and pay her good money so put her in charge of the clock and save 15 minutes of the session if you have to, to just focus on you. It is your time - the only time you probably get to be self-centered during the week.Read More...

Scott, I'm always afraid I say something stupid that lacks understanding of your circumstances when I reply, but that makes sense to me that you tried to be everything you feel your father wanted you to be; even male. I am only recently disclosing some feelings in therapy that I have experienced my whole life and I don't know much about what it all means, but I also created a "male counter-part" to help me cope and to "feel more loved." I'm just now trying to understand this and I have no...Read More...