Hey that was great. Thanks alot. KatsRead More...

That's exactly it!! There really is a sense that I've gone from not getting a whole lot of stuff, to understanding it, taking it in and making it a part of me. And a big part of that is realizing that in very significant ways my connection to my T has become strong enough that I carry him with me wherever I go. I can sometimes have conversations with him in my head about issues I'm dealing with. (I know, you're just jealous the voices don't talk to you. ) I think of it as my virtual T. In...Read More...

Hi Kats, I'm on Wellbutrin (have been for a number of years) but I remember it feeling like that in the beginning. I really started to feel almost too good in the beginning. But it settled out after a few weeks and now it just helps to keep me level and from sinking too low. OW was right also, different people can react quite differently. But 3.5 weeks doesnt' sound too early to me for you to feel a difference. Although it may be that a "normal" level of happiness may feel really intense if...Read More...

Samy, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. And I know how hard you've been working on your temper so it must have been hard to get so upset and bite your therapist (although, wow, do I know how you feel. My therapist has a statue of dolphins that sits on a table that sits between us and I've often thought of throwing it at his head when he's really driving me nuts. Usually when he's staying too calm for my taste, go figure!) But try not to be too hard on yourself, we never change all...Read More...

JM, I never take my T-shirt off. And I can totally relate to wanting to be 3 years old and sit on her lap." We can feel so secure and safe adn clear when we're with our Ts. And those are feelings we're not used to feeling so it makes sense its hard to leave it. Par of getting through therapy seems to be learning to ride the wave of longing in the first 24 hours. So yeah, I'm wearing my T-shirt. AGRead More...

Robin, I'm sorry, I so understand your frustration and being tired of the situation. The truth is, that's its NOT fair that you are always the one to repair (or even be aware of) the breeches. And I know its hard sometimes to know where to draw the line and say enough is enough. But you've been more than patient from where I'm sitting. And fwiw, I'd rather hang out with you than your sister. AGRead More...

Thank-you so much JM for sharing so deeply. It takes a lot of courage to face ourselves, to be truly honest. And, equally so, to risk sharing it with others. And, as True North said, this post will be an inspiration to others. ShrinkladyRead More...

We should all get a kick out of this! Mom has been "normal" lately (which is typical of BPD). Last night we were chatting along just fine and I told her that for Christmas she could get me a subscription to "France" magazine and that since she would have no idea how, I would simply put her as giver on one of those gift subscription cards. Simple enough, right? She came up with one of her lovely comments: "I wish you would just stuff FRANCE up your Ass!" (Huh?) :-o Whaaa? I stayed unaffected...Read More...

AG, Many thanks for the excerpts. I've been thinking about them and the topic of the role of individual therapy in my life for a bit now, 'cause the sessions with Tfella are up and it's time for me to probably be transitioning to seeing someone in the community - or not. And since I'm in group therapy as it is, I had to figure out what individual therapy gave that group didn't - or, if it didn't give anything different, if I even needed to try to find another T. I have decided to start...Read More...

Hurray!!!!!!!! I hope you can find some quiet time to do something you've been wanting to do, but have been too busy to do. Congratulations! JMRead More...

Incognito, I know that you're feelings of humliation are real but you have nothing to be ashamed of. Your neediness is natural and healthy. The problem isn't your needs, the problem was your caretakers failing to meet your needs. That's what drives most of us to therapy. I was talking to my T once in session about how needy I was, and how pathetic that made me feel. And he said it was like someone turning off the heat in the house and getting upset with you becuase you were cold, or not...Read More...

My 2 cents: PS - I know nothing of your problems, so this is just advice from me. Don't discount a possible hormone fluctuation. We all go through those and our emotions can be deeply affected. Lighten up on yourself. Any therapist worth their degree will not become angry with you. Step outside your blues and see what good things are going on in your life (yes, I am sure there are some). Realize that everyone has a bad day or two. Stay quiet and ride it out. Watch a good comedy. Chant. No...Read More...

(((((((Samy)))))))Read More...

JM, I think I can remove the "not sure why" part of the post title. I've been to this place so many times but I fight so hard each time to not notice where I am. And you're right that I have the help I need to handle it, both here and with my T. Thank you for the encouragement and the reminder of what's true in the present. Wynne, As always, you go pithily straight to the heart of the matter. Feeling powerless and wanting to hide because the bad things can't get you there. Tuesday should be...Read More...

I have been thinking more about what Shrinklady said above. It is so true. When you get hurt by your primary attachment figures and close family members _so much_ love comes to “mean hurt” so you learn to block it out. I know 100% that I built an internal wall and I built it on purpose so no one could hurt me anymore. And that gap, which seems more like a gaping abyss that contains all the reminders of the flaming pain and hurt feelings we've experienced, sometimes creates an illusion that...Read More...

Wynne Isn't it a wonderful feeling when thing in therapy go well, and you get that "hey..wow, whoa" feeling. Somehow it makes it all worth while for a couple of days. Happy for you that it went well. KatsRead More...

i like the dear t posts. it inspired me to write my own letter. i'm not gonna post it here. but, in the writing, i figured out that alot of my whiny, unable-to-put-into-words behavior at my last session was probably coming from a very young age in my mind, a place we have been working on in therapy. i also figured out that i DO have several friends(i kept telling him i had none at last session--very pity-partyish), but it is my walls that pevent me from getting too close. i am not sure how...Read More...

I don't think you can easily separate human nature and transference since it is human nature to transfer your experiences from past relationships onto present ones. It is kind of like a mental short cut so that every new relationship we form isn't completely new and mysterious. We can kind of "place" people in certain categories in order to make relating to them easier before we get to know them really well. In therapy you create an intense, intimate relationship with your T that isn't like...Read More...

Hi Samy, I'm glad that you speak up and I won't get mad at you for that. But I guess I thought I was trying to be encouraging. I think that she is pretty amazing that she works so hard to accomplish all that she does and I know it can't be easy on any of you guys. I was just appealing to her sense of stress, that is she thinks it is too much that she needs to listen to herself. However, I admire anyone who works so hard and goes to school and cares for their family. It is not an easy task...Read More...

ok maybe this is not a boundary thing. i atuali not read all you guys worte (cuz you talk a lot HAHA! i'm teasing ok). last night I were talking to me T and whether or not people likes me. she say she do. but i told her she HAS to cuz we pay her to. but her say we pay her for her time but not to like me. that were interesting to say huh. i gotta think more on it. her has clear boundaries and they suck! HAHA! cuz like her won't come home with me like i ask her to and stuff samyRead More...

incognito, This sounds like a really awesome session. And It sounds like 'starting over again', but I remember AG posting something about an onion and layers and going deeper and it sounds like you're really working through that. So I bet you're right when you say you'll get to keep coming back to it! I hope the 'backlash' is manageable. Sounds like you did a really awesome thing and had a great session as a result!Read More...

Ok, i don't actually get why you people here are so nice to me. i mean, if you knewed all the stuff i'd done in my life you might be very surprised and probably hate me. I still tryin to figure it all out. samyRead More...

River, that's exactly what I meant about going underneath all the layers that have built up over my emotions. I never just "feel" my feelings which is why this felt so different. I'm hoping its the beginning of permanent change. Incognito, The shortest distance between two points, is me getting angry and believing the relationship is over. The only time I've ever seen my T get in shouting distance of being frustrated was over this very issue. My keeping one foot out the door, so to speak.Read More...

My journal doesn't talk back and give me more insight into what's going on. I actually find that I've been journaling less since I started coming here on a regualr basis. I've almost been pushing myself to do so, because I find it very valuable to be able to go back and read over my journal and see patterns and cycles, and on really good days, areas of improvement. But the main reason I think its easier here is having people who REALLY understand. Sometimes, the stuff I have to deal with in...Read More...

sometimes i close me eyes and feel the rainbow energy around me. sometimes i close me eyes and feel the butterfly angels flying by. sometimes i think 'wow! good job samy' sometimes i think 'people do like me!' sometimes, not all the time. samyRead More...