(((EME))) Wow, I hadn't even thought about it like that, that it was a huge leap I took but you could be onto something there. I mean, I guess if I showed T everything, just how gross I am inside and he still doesn't reject me, I can see how that would be very beneficial. I see him tomorrow and I'm worried that he won't want to work with me anymore because I sent him an email a couple of days ago. He told me he'd read by Monday. I know I'm pulling him into an enactment but I can't seem to...Read More...

((MISSI)) What you're experiencing is not unusual. Clamming up seems like a common issue a lot of us have experienced. When I first started Therapy less than a year ago, I had to write down everything I wanted to talk about, and I just handed it to my T. Keep a copy for yourself in case you only get through the first one or two, and than you can bring your copy to the next session and will continue talking about each issue. He seemed pleased that I took a little time just to jot down a few...Read More...

(((SP))) thank you for listening and support!! (((liese))) I really take a lot of comfort in knowing that you get where I'm coming from with this. I agree that strengthening your own voice after being raised in that type of environment is crucial in healing. And this: That is awesome and I love it It really makes so much sense. Thank you for being proud of me (((SD))) Your post made me feel all kinds of giddy and thankful and warm and fuzzy Thank you truly for that I think there is something...Read More...

(((ninna))) I'm sorry for how hurt you have been feeling I'm sending gentle hugs and wanted you to know I'm listening and glad you are safe. Keep hanging in thereRead More...

hey forlorn, its so nice to see you! thanks for the hugs and how are you doing? puppetRead More...

Thank you, Draggers and eme! I'm looking forward to my next session with T to discuss several topics. My T did mention that I could possibly be diagnosed with a panic disorder, but that's all she could come up with. I read that section of my DSM 5 and it some what fits. I'm not sure I'd diagnose myself with it completely though. Thank you for the well wishes in this new year! I wish you both the same!Read More...

(((SUMMER))))((((MONTE))))(((TN))) I often think this too. Then I think, "and then I will no longer care about T." It makes me sad. Yes, it is a weird relationship. TN is onto something though. When I think of my 6 year old and how she used to be when I left. Even if I was happy to be leaving the house, I never let her know that. I gave her a big hug and told her I'd miss her too. I didn't laugh and tell her what fun I was going to have wherever I was going. That's what's hard about the...Read More...

I really like this too Thank you for sharing!!Read More...

(((athenacus))) Ouch, that sounds rough!! I would have a really hard time with that, especially after feeling that thoughts had just become in the moment prior to seeing her. Small communities definitely have drawbacksRead More...

Hugs and happy new year all. I'm not sure I used the abbreviation correctly. But you get me. I love how much space he gives for the magnitude of the loss, and how much gentleness and kindness. Wishing you each that. xxxxxRead More...

Thank you all for the wonderful support After I wrote my never ending post I really struggled with whether I should keep it up, I felt silly for some reason But I think since things have been so raw lately I notice those times are harder for me to keep the deletion spells at bay. All of your responses really meant a lot to me (((pengs))) Thank you lovely I didn't even recognize it to be hard work at the time, just felt like I was flailing about, so hearing that from you really made me feel...Read More...

Monte... there was so much of what you wrote that resonated with me that I had a hard time narrowing down what I wanted to quote. I think what I quoted above really touched me in relation to my own T and you put it (as usual) so beautifully into the written word. I, too, have been kicking and screaming and fearful and anxious and gnashing my teeth about what T cannot give me and what I cannot go back and have. My T has been patiently trying to show me over a long period of time what he CAN...Read More...

(((cogs))) I am so happy for you that things are looking up and you can enjoy being home again! It sounds like a tough experience and I hope there's a break from the stress for awhileRead More...

(((RT))) Hooooray!! So glad to see you here. I only recently returned to the Forum as well, and like you, missed so many people and the support they offer. I am glad you are here. I am sorry for the pain you have gone through with all the T's but am very happy to read your positive outlook on the bottom of the post. Wishing you some peace and warmth this holiday.Read More...

(((jones))) so pleased to meet you Thank you for reading and replying. I am deeply sorry that you experienced a lack of T's unbiased response. These outside issues only serve to frustrate an already painful and difficult process. As you said, things can get messy so easily. I am very thankful to hear what you wrote (although it pains me you experienced it) because I like to see other's stories and learn from them. I hold out a hope that this new T might have an open perspective from here,...Read More...

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SP, I also cannot make eye contact with my T, not even to say hello or goodbye. I just can't make myself. I have a few reasons why I find eye contact hard with my T, one is that eye contact can sometimes make me instantly cry (and since I'm terrified of crying in front of her, I'm also scared of this), two is that I can find it triggering, and three I can find it threatening (not by this T I have now, but by past T's and other people). I haven't struggled with my T touching me because she...Read More...

whew!!! that is a relief! i'm so happy for you!Read More...

hi bueno, just wondering how you're doing? only if you want to share, we're here if you do. hope you're with friends/ family at this time of the year and that brings some comfort for you. will you continue to see this other T for longer? puppetRead More...

TK.. thank you for sharing your story. You are very brave to do so and you have certainly come a long way. You showed great strength in turning your life around and I admire that very much. Happy (belated) anniversary. I wish you many more of them. Hugs TNRead More...

((((cat))))Read More...

((((chezza)))) and ((((draggers)))) thanks for empathizing and affirming. there is definitely comfort in knowing you're not alone in something oh, AH, i absolutely agree with your point that i haven't failed in the big picture. i'm still going, afterall, and making baby steps. i guess i just mean that i could be making such bigger strides if i could just believe in myself enough to bring the material and share it with T without fearing that he'll think i'm being petty and ridiculous. and...Read More...

I saw this on Facebook but I didn't stop and watch it until you posted it, Chezza. I really like this video for a lot of reasons. I like how it separates the person from the depression. I like this technique a lot because most of the time we think we are the problem and this makes it really clear in a visual way that depression is the problem. I also like how it plays with the idea that you can have a relationship with your depression. You interact with it and you can change the form your...Read More...

I actually saw a T once where he would take on one charity client at a time. I was charged the usual rate but the whole fee went to the charity of my choice, not his. He had some charities he supported and said I could either choose those or my own. Oh, and I have totally been there with the creative ways my brain re-interprets completely innocuous statements; not just from Ts but from partners and family members too.Read More...

I think you have every right to ask that question, and as often as you like. If he turns it back and asks you the same, I suppose if you feel comfortable you could answer. Then say, 'now your turn' If not you may be able to just explain that you would like to hear his perspective without feeling pressured to share yours. Personally I feel there is no reason why a T wouldn't share that.Read More...