(((TN))) Thank you so much I really can say that I would be in a much much worse place if not for you guys helping as much as you do. Seeing that you have overcome so much and kept going, it's been so inspiring to see your strength!! Thank you for everythingRead More...

(((Jillann))) (((about))) (((athenacus))) Thank you guys!!!Read More...

(((YAKUSOKU)) Thanks a bunch for your kind feedback, I really do appreciate it.Read More...

Random? Maybe. Meaningful? Definitely. Well-written? Totally. Motivating? Surprisingly. Inspiring? Absolutely. Happy Thanksgiving to you, to TAS!Read More...

(((about))) I hope you will be able to feel the care your T and people here feel for you, and internalize some of it. It is hard to struggle with feeling pain and looking for ways to lessen it, there is nothing stupid or cowardly in that. Everything on earth with a pulse feels a natural drive to seek comfort when feeling pain. The part that takes time is learning which ways of seeking relief will bring lasting results, and which methods have unwanted side effects. You are continuing to...Read More...

Nannabee and FMW: I apologize for the delay in replying. Nannabee: He actually brought up a contract...I kindly told him I did not think I could do therapy if it was governed by a contract. He agreed with me saying, "That is why I have held off with going through with a contract." I think if I had to sign a contract, I would quit. Just the thought of it scares me so much. At least he heard me on it and didn't force it. I am sorry you had such a difficult experience with a former T. I hope...Read More...

((Cogs)) I'm so sorry for the health problems you are experiencing. Living with fear of finding out it might be something more serious than asthma is draining I'm sure. I am so happy to hear that you were able to have an affirming session with your T. I know you have struggled so much. I've had a few sessions where I've truly felt heard and supported. They are truly memorable. Hang on to that feeling. Know that you are capable of making that connection with T. Thinking positive thoughts for...Read More...

Thank you Draggers for your honesty, I really needed to hear it. I am afraid that by going it may change how I feel about her for the worse, because as you say, it might not be as nurturing like when you were a client. It sounds the dynamics do change and I think it is good to be aware of it. I too, know that she will be carried with me. It is bittersweet isn't it? to know how great it felt but now it has changed. I think I just have to be aware of my expectations, so then, I may not be...Read More...

It does make sense. I think a letter is a great idea. I wrote a letter to mine and I didn't expect a response but she did respond, short and sweet. Those therapeutic relationships that touch our hearts do remain with us and are carried within us. I relate to what you say so much. I too, also struggled with forming other therapeutic relationships and I am realising as you have that I have to be present with the here and now. It is an amazing experience to have and I am glad I am no alone in...Read More...

I can to relate to many of the things you've mention. Time is really a big factor as I'm sure you probably know. Having a therapist that is attuned and aware when you dissociate does help. It makes you feel you're not going it alone. It sounds like you're on the right track and you'll find your way through this eventually. For me, feeling safe was a done deal. Gradually take little risk by sharing something and feeling and experience that it was safe.Read More...

I have dealt with seeing my Psychiatrist hugging other patients in front of me. It felt like it was going to kill me. Especially because at that time I had already been seeing him for about 8 years and I longed to be hugged by him. I was so jealous but I felt like he didnt really want to go anywhere near me. I figured he would see me the way I saw myself which was disgusting and why would he want to be near me much less hug me or anything else. Every time after that when I went to see him...Read More...

Thank you both for your advise. Well, the subject of my SI increasing came up during our session. I guess she figured it out. I couldn't pretend anymore that all was ok. I will be spending thanksgiving with my children but will be alone all of Christmas. I don't know why this is so hard for me, really rediculous! It is only one day but for me if feels like the world should end. Stupid. Anyway, I am doing a preemptive strike and going in for one more ECT treatment on Tuesday. It is the only...Read More...

Re: What is TrueRead More...

I just cannot get over how much you sound like I did about two years ago. Keep going, it does get better.Read More...

Thanks Jillann. Sorry I was deleting while you posted-- an overlap. I will keep the pieces and do something with them, but it's still broken. . . The hug helped, thanks.Read More...

I have worked a lot with ins companies due to my profession - altho primarily with the medical aspect. Request any and all info about how they would not offer continuation of coverage and the info you would need to support coverage. Get details and get them in writing. Your T may also have to play around with diagnosis' to find out which one of yours would provide the best coverage. Ins co HATE paying out particularly for trauma due to extended lengths of treatment and they will look at any...Read More...

Thanks for asking TN. I did go to my session today and it was different than it usually is. First things got more difficult. Yesterday I went to my respirologist. I have had asthma for the last 8 years and until recently it has been easily controlled by medication. A couple of months ago my meds stopped working and my breathing got worse and worse. I ended up with a chest X-ray and prednisone and I told T I was worried that I actually had COPD which causes irreversible lung damage. Yesterday...Read More...

wanted to thank all of you so much for support. I think I have ended my time off and will be back around more. I feel that even though I trigger myself at times about T's, I miss you all too much to stay away long. You each mean a lot to meRead More...

((((cat)))) sending big hugs and support your wayRead More...

((((about)))) Thank you so much for post and support (and the bit about the force gave me a smile!). Thinking of you and sending big hugsRead More...

((((draggers)))) i hope things turn around for you soon, as i believe you deserve that. you are in my thoughts and prayers, and i'm sending you every good vibe i possibly can, because you deserve it. do bad things happen for a reason? i don't know. but from what i know of you, you have defied all odds and have turned into a wonderfully compassionate and caring individual, and it really comes through in your posts. as far as i'm concerned, you are a God-send and a wonderful example of how to...Read More...

Yeah, I asked. We were talking about personality typing systems one time. . . she brought it up. She asked if I knew what my enneagram type was, and I said no, but that I used to be very into the MBTI and asked if she was familiar with it. She was so I asked about her type. I wouldn't have pegged her correctly if I had guessed-- I was thinking INFJ. However, I asked her to guess my type and she got it right. A good thing I suppose, since she's the T and I'm the client.Read More...

Liese, I'm glad that talking to your T has helped ease your separation anxiety. I am glad there is someone else who has a similar cancel/don't cancel cycle with their T. My T also always says I will leave the session open for you (unless I tell him I'm cancelling because I have a conflict). If I'm upset he says I'll leave it open and so far I've always gone. I've also told him I hate when you leave it open because then I have to keep thinking about it. I went through it again today.Read More...