Athenacus: I'm really sorry for the pain you are feeling. Hope things start to get better soon.Read More...

Haha, I also voted bat out of hell. Nice quiz - I enjoyed it!Read More...

Athenacus, I am another person who does a lot of analysing and thinking about why things are a certain way. I do think insight can get you to a certain point. I understand a lot of my stuff these days and that intellectual understanding does stop me running into my usual snags, particularly in relationships with friends and family. Sometimes it doesn't and I canon headfirst into a standard Mallard meltdown before my mind has caught up! My T is encouraging me to work with feelings too, rather...Read More...

That totally explains my T's treatment of me. I can see what she is doing now. I don't know if that is good or bad. I obviously have a long way to go. Self Compassion is a pipe dream at this moment. She was trying to convince me that I am important enough to express my feelings in my relationships. I am so fearful of others reactions I constantly try to manage everyone elses feelings and only express positive feelings myself. AG I identify more with the recuer role given my position taking...Read More...

Hi Cat. I'm hoping things are better for you now. I was having some personal issues and had to back away from the boards for a little bit. I wanted to respond to you. You know I know the inside of that ED trainwreck thinking all too well. My T is always trying to get me to see the middle ground. She says I seem to graze by that place as I swing from pole to pole in my black and white thinking. T should not have shared her cleanse information with you. That is absulute. But..... The problem...Read More...

I wanted to add something that I've been processing the past few days about exT. I'm having so much mental confusion about my feelings, and I'm trying to write a little now to sort them out somewhat... I've realized in so many ways how much my feelings that I can articulate are just like my feelings towards my parents. Feeling betrayed. Wanting to pretend the person isn't there in reality, they never existed. I don't ever want to see them or anything associated with them again. I cringe to...Read More...

Thank you again. *curling up and hiding* Rabbit: I had it during last session and tried to show it, but that's the moment I can't remember, so I am not sure whether it was discussed or not. Thank youRead More...

(((Anthenacus))) (((Liese))) Thanks for the hugs. (((River))) Thanks for saying that the limitations might be frustrating to my T. I don't know if they are. But, I do know he does think about relating in other ways, because sometimes he jokes about it. Like, because we are both into music, how it would be fun to be in a band together. Or him playing at my church, my playing at his. When I went camping, he had never heard of the campground we went to (which I grew up going to), and he...Read More...

Thank you Smiling Penguin I appreciate your reply Things will work out. They always do...it just may take a little time. All the best! T.Read More...

LOVE this! So needed to read it today as I head to bed to snuggle with the Pup!Read More...

glad you enjoyed it too, Morgs and Chezza.Read More...

Dear Lost, I have similar issues. My most recent trauma was in Feb. of this year. Perpetrated by my brother. He was finally arrested in July but then a judge let him out on his own recognizance! Of course he failed to show up for his arraingment. Now they have another arrest warrant for him. When all this was happening, I felt like my mind was in a continuous loop. I remember driving down the road screaming STOP - PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP! I felt like I could not stop the looping...Read More...

((((cogs)))) i am sorry for the stuff you're going through in therapy. it sounds very frustrating and difficult. i wonder if you could take what you have written into your next session to help you express your feelings to T? i have a difficult time, too, expressing what i'm going through in "the now" ... i turn totally cognitive, i think in part to avoid the kind of emotion you're talking about. i wouldn't run just yet. share what you're going through, and yes, i think yoga could be helpful.Read More...

(((lost))) I'm deeply sorry to hear of not only what you've been through in the assault, but also the process of finding a counselor. It really is such a stressful experience to start with a new counselor, I can not imagine how much stress was added to be treated disrespectfully on top of it!! I feel angry for you that you have been through trauma and treated so unfairly. FWIW I do not think you sound stupid at all, and I definitely think you deserve to be treated with respect. I hope you...Read More...

(((yaku))) This...is...sooooo...me. I can relate immensely to so much written in this thread. I was also told what I thought or believed throughout my childhood, and it is maddening to feel that mirrored in adulthood. I am sorry it feels so intense for you It is a process to learn to have compassion with yourself when you've been so terribly invalidated growing up. I think part of the difficulty for me is I have such black and white thinking, and when I hear I'm wrong I go into panic mode,...Read More...

Thanks ((Yaku))) and ((Liese)) Been a helluva week so far and I don't have tiem to respond now, but I will do so later tonight.Read More...

((FA)) Absolutely brilliant news! So happy for youRead More...

yes I think the caring hurts because it awakens longings, desires and wishes from long ago that were buried because they went unfulfilled. So the act of being cared for can trigger enormous amounts of grief over missing out on the most basic of emotional nurturance and care that we all needed as infants and children. As I go further along this journey I am starting to be able to really take in the care and love from my T in a way that remains with me between sessions and carries me through...Read More...

Sent! CBT shall save us yet.Read More...

(((About))) Just wanted to say I thought this was a beautifully imagined and sensitively written post. Seasonal changes throughout the course of therapy have been evocative for me, too. In fact T and I are just coming up to our third winter together. Some of my most memorable therapy moments are coming into the warmth and comfort of her office when it's been cold outside, or raining, or dark (we often have evening sessions.) They are good images. And I think you are right that holding a warm...Read More...

((((SD)))) It makes sense that you would be unable to get into the middle of that high level of understanding when you are hyperaroused. I could just see Bessel shaking his head saying, "Of course you can't." You are not alone. I can't access that reason either when I am triggered.Read More...

Thank you guys for your responses. I called his answering service on the advice of a friend and the message now is that he won't be back at all. So glad I called to hear that message. [/sarcasm] So glad I had an inside tip that there might be new information to be had via a generic message. This is T2. Did I mention that I was dumped by T1? (I probably did) And a lot of the attachment therapy I was working on with T2 was a result of the dumping by T1. At least with T1 I was face to face with...Read More...

River I've often felt the same way you do. I'm glad this thread gave you some hope.Read More...

Glad to hear how things turned out! Nice job holding your ground TN! (((TN)))Read More...

Smilingpenguin, Thank you for your response! How you described trust and help is very true for me, only you wrote it better than I could. I hate being helpless, and I need help. My 'disability' and the way people treat people with disabilities makes complicated and PTSD and trust are complicated with out that! I am not writing much, but I am still thinking through everything. Thank you again. Still Trying, LostRead More...