((((catalyst)))) I've had to be somewhat selective as to which threads feel safe enough for me to read through now, but seeing this one resonated too much to not comment. I hope sharing some of my experience with you may give a tiny bit of comfort... Throughout my teenage years, I had a tremendous trauma bond with my father. That's the short version of the story, (don't want to hijack your post) With him, by the time I'd reached the age I could move out, it became life and death as to having...Read More...

Liese, Are you enjoying the workshop? Did you do yoga or meditation before you went? It looked really interesting. I was thinking of going in April. What does he say about working through traumatic feelings? vs. being mired in them. I look forward to hearing more about the workshop when you return. As an update, I spoke to my T on the phone on Friday for a long time (for us). I told him the immediate trigger for me to shut down was attempting to tell him about how I handled a discussion with...Read More...

Another update, because I think this rupture is officially huddled, as I finally was able to hear what T was holding back from my last Friday's session and why, so I'm not obsessing anymore. Basically, he said that he really likes me, has warm feelings toward me and connecting with me, which have come up in our last few sessions (though from past conversations, I know he has felt care for and enjoyment of me previously). He said a couple of weeks ago, for example, we were having a...Read More...

(((TK))) (((joy))) (((CD))) Thank you!!Read More...

HIC, I am sorry I didn't respond earlier. I really like your interpretations. They are much more creative than anything I would have come up with. If I had to interpret myself I might say those dreams are about my connection with different aspects of myself...the teenage part (the nail polish part), the dependent part (the baby), and the adult sexual part (as Mary Magdalene). The part about the couples session...I'm not sure about. But thank you for putting so much thought into it. I like...Read More...

Thank you for your comments! I use various forms of writing, etc, to try to 'fill in the blanks', but it often makes me feel guilty to even want to keep it, so, I like the idea of a closed box (but transparent, so I know they are still here, safe). T somehow gave me the idea, indirectly. I am currently quite struggling with the feelings of wanting T to care between the sessions and the shame and guilt going with them, so... it's my try. And of course, feel free to try it, use it, adapt it, ...Read More...

Brainstorming would be awesome, Jill. What I am most afraid of is not employing solutions and failing. ((((Peng,joy, Jill)))) Just popped on briefly... the parents will be here a week and sTaying in a hotel. .... I just feel so awful being worried... I'm not sure how to react or how I will react and so ashamed it is an issue. Just mentioning it made me feel ill. I'm suffering very bad anxiety with my therapy. I feel so distant and rejected... yet have not been distanced or rejected... and it...Read More...

what a great moment, BLT!! I'm so happy for you that you could have such a powerful experience with your T, who obviously cares deeply about you. I am also lucky and have a T who does hug. We've only hugged 3 times, but each of them was so special to me. I'll never forget them and how cared for I felt. How healing that can be. So happy for youRead More...

Finally got time to watch this properly. How very cool!!!Read More...

(((joy))) How sweet of you, thank you It is very scary, but I hope you feel safe enough to share if/ when you are ready too. It is healing to be heard and supported. Thank you for thinking of me!Read More...

(((TK))) I think this is a very wonderful reminder, and I think it was beautifully written. Good thoughts!Read More...

ah yes SP you brought le francais! perhaps you can be our forum empress and it felt like three millenniums not three decades!!!Read More...

Oh my goodness, thank you Catalyst and Mallard for your lovely and sensible replies (and the welcome)! I cried as I read that quote in the reply. It sort of put everything I am feeling into perspective and I feel really capable of talking to him about what I have been feeling lately. Hope you are both doing well <3Read More...

Holy cow turtle! That's nuts - it's like transference, eh? Sorta? I'd hope they were fired... using clinical records like that. Your brother sounds like a sweetie.. and it isn't your fault... you're allowed to have an emergency contact w/o someone stalking them. It's not like you gave the info and were like "BTW my brother is a Dr please contact him w/ whatever you need" ya know?Read More...

(((hugs all))) I'm afraid this might read like a lazy reply. I'm a little brain dead from a draining session yesterday, plus one of my little ones has a cold and was up a lot last night, plus I'm out of coffee and haven't had a chance to get to the store to buy some. But, I did appreciate all of your thoughts so much and wanted to at least reply a little while I have a few moments. Cat, question wasn't offensive, just made me realize I needed to clarify a bit more. It's definitely a more...Read More...

About, I understand your logic and it seems perfect but I also want to say that survival mode without therapy usually only functions for a while, until coping techniques break down from a major upheaval or prolonged stress. Then it becomes a cycle of returning to T/therapy periodically, during the worst of times, and leaving again when sessions get scary. I think (I'm sorry to say it too ) that when it gets scary is the most important time to go! My T uses the analogy of debriding (or...Read More...

Ohh Psychodrama is hard - my T did a bit of that today and we've done gestalt stuff... I hate it you are brave to go with the flow!! I'm sorry it brought up stuff that has left you raw. Sometimes moving on from our crap means wading through it to get to shore... It's good to know what you're walking in (as much as tolerable) so the way out seems safer (as ugly as it will be). Have you asked your T what she is hoping you will do with it all? Mine says it helps integrate and have stuff...Read More...

((((((Draggers)))))) I am so proud of you for taking good care of yourself by putting some much needed space around yourself so you can get the rest and downtime you so deserve. Sending gigantic hugs and love to you, xxxxxRead More...

Lovely story. Fab that she can enforce her own boundaries so calmly and effectively!Read More...

Thanks everyone. Your feedback on these extremely raw feelings and exchanges with her mean quite a lot to me. The KidRead More...

I have to get permission to join the sensitive issues part....Read More...

(((Turtle)))) I hope so too. TNRead More...

((((GE)))) It does sound like your H overreacted but, then again, maybe something happened between your H and his mom that we don't know about? If not, I'd say she was being a responsible babysitter. If it were my kid, I'd rather a babysitter do what she did than leave my 2 year old unattended. You said she had been watching him for a few hours. Maybe she had been waiting for your H to come home so that she could go and, when he put her off, just decided she couldn't wait. If she wasn't...Read More...

I know brain injury can cause an impact on mental health issues - it's always been on my intake paperworks at T or P as far as I can remember. I did not have a hematoma but suffered a traumatic head injury (blunt impact, not a situation related to abuse) and I report that. I don't think it has caused any issues - aside from the memories I had in the hospital which is never fun for a 4 year old. I know in somatic therapy pre-verbal body trauma can be processed, so that may help - even drawing...Read More...

Thanks AG. I needed to be reminded of what is going on "behind the scenes." Makes being in the thick of it feel more understandable and less shameful.Read More...