Couldn't do therapy without writing. I find it too hard to talk and so if I talk I end up leaving at least 80 % of what I really want to say out. Can't really see the point of that. So writing works for me. B2WRead More...

Thanks for the fellow rants, gals. It made me feel better too, to read them! ((mallard)) ((finding.ainsley)) ((b2w)) I might need to have a talk with the little cuz. . .Read More...

Jen12 I am there too. I just started with a new T after not having one for a couple of months and I can honestly say that I can feel the horrible anxiety, neediness, fear and pain start in. I think I am going to walk away from it. It will be hard because I have been in therapy for so many years that it's actually become a habit. I worry that I will ultimately feel lost without that angst ridden relationship to turn to. I am starting to see it like an addiction. Maybe I can break myself of...Read More...

Hi Monte, What you wrote was so beautiful. I was especially touched by you saying that you don't have to grieve because it isn't enough, and that it is sufficient in allowing you to enter into the world when you are ready. That was powerful, and really allowed me to explore a different perspective than where I was this morning when I wrote the beginning of this thread. I am reflecting on all of what was written here in regards to the therapeutic relationship. I think for so long I have...Read More...

((HIC)) Wow, you are so courageous and strong. I admire you for recognizing your own needs and putting them into effect. I think that your T sounds lovely, especially in her agreement that you can come for as long as you like. I had a T that told me when it's done it's done...and my T right now tells me what yours does. It's so comforting to be able to choose our path on this journey. I wish you the best on this and will be here cheering you on.Read More...

Thank you so much Hollow! It really felt good to stand up for me. I needed to do this. My T told me the same that you did here. That I could be rude in therapy. It's a place to reflect on my behavior and put it under the microscope. It totally doesn't look very pretty afterwards, but it sure felt good to get some things off my chest!Read More...

((Muff)) I worked a few years in a setting where perfection was demanded and it definitely heightened my intensity in therapy work. I can relate to fearing the unknown... 'who will I be if I feel good? what will happen if I allow anger over what was so unjust?' I so admire your bravery and resolve. I believe in you and know you can keep going. AHRead More...

I just wanted to say how I am also so very impressed. You are really strong TN. I admire you for that, and for laying it all out here so that we can learn with you as you go through this experience. I am still learning this therapy stuff, so it's nice to come here and be surrounded by people who explain things I have yet to begin to understand about myself. It really helps. I know I am a still a little wobbly on my feet about offering advice and new to the group, but I just wanted to provide...Read More...

Thanks Monte I worry anyway but this feels like one of those life changing things. Either I steer clear of psychiatry or I dive right in. It doesn't change who I am or how I cope but it probably changes how other people see and relate to me. So, I've provably set myself up for another disappointment by emailing oldT, who I stopped seeing in 2011, to seek some reassurance about my ability to be a good psychodynamic client. I got an out of office message back so I know today is her first day...Read More...

Hey Cat I hope things are better today. I am having a hard time too after yesterday and doing my best not to check in with her by phone. I think I have to make up my mind and stick with it.Read More...

I had a therapist call me at 11:30 once... but I'd just contacted them around 11 (via a message - it was an ED T). Some do work later in to the evening... 10 is a bit late to call someone. I normally cut myself off at 9, it could be that it was very important to her to get back to you as soon as she could on the same day? I don't know. I do very much hope you find someone who feels right to work with!Read More...

I feel the same Quell. Once my T said, to reassure me "of course I sometimes think about you outside of the sessions" and... it was bugging me because, I actually don't want to (I want her not to think about me outside of the room and my hour) and it bugged me that it was what she thought I wanted to hear. No. I want to know I will be allowed to come back and she will still be there for me, and be efficient. But I do not want anything else. It freaks me out, because I have boundary issues,...Read More...

Stoppers: I am really feeling this right now: "I don't miss the therapist when she goes on vacation. I cancelled for this week because going seemed worse than not going." You are right about the power...I never did quite look at it like that...because when I say I am leaving at the ten minute mark, the Therapists says, "You really need to stay and finish this conversation, although it is difficult." Usually, I am desperately trying to run from difficult feelings. Thank you for replying. I...Read More...

Thank you for all of your responses. I do have a trainee therapist for about a year and a half now and sometimes I have doubts about our relationship, but there are other times where I felt that she is the perfect therapist for me. So, yours comment made me feel like I was not the only one that feels this way towards a trainee. But, I have told her that seeing her was one of the best decisions I have made for myself and that she changed my life. It is just a lot harder when trainee's are not...Read More...

I emailed T twice about it- one was an emotional reaction, but mixed with some rational thought and words and the 2nd one was more thoughtful, calm but still emotional. T emailed back and apologised and said she hadn't thought it through and that now I had brought it up - she wasn't happy her details were there. At our session we discussed it and T reiterated that she didn't want her details there. I explained how this is all about my mental safety and i told her the things I do, assess,...Read More...

That was an amazing piece of writing (((Yaks))), you have a wonderful gift of writing in words what others might feel but could never manage to express. Thank you.Read More...

Thank you for all your kind words and warm hugs, FA, RM and SP. It truly means a lot. I feel like I'm in mourning about something I don't fully understand. Today, especially, has felt like it has 100 hours in it. All I find myself doing is hiding under the covers and crying til I feel like are no tears left...and then I cry some more. Again, thank you. The KidRead More...

Thank you SO much RM and Turtle. Even though I was told this new story a couple of weeks ago, it has taken this long for all the intense feelings to surface. This weekend and today, especially, have been incredibly difficult and find myself hanging on only by a thread. All I can do is lay down and cry and cry and cry and then cry some more. I'm trying not to let all these feelings fully take over but it feels like I'm in mourning over something I don't understand. It's too much... The KidRead More...

Pretty explosive, hmmm, that does more or less describe my behaviour of yesterday morning. We were attempting to tidy up the play room mess when all hell broke loose and I actually kicked to plastic containers full of toys with all the rage and frustration I had in me. It actually felt so good the first time that I did it again, this time with the other foot. If felt great. Yeah, explosive it was. (the kids weren't around, don't worry) Things have calmed down and we have even been able to...Read More...

i noticed, but i thought (hoped) Ms. muff was just out driving that little car... muff, come back...come home. RabbitEarsRead More...

Do you all think that our sensitivity leaves us highly intuitive as well? I tend to find myself really being able to pick on the subtle clues of how another is doing or feeling in any interaction I have, especially with T because of how close that relationship is. I tend to really feel everything very easily and can definitely tell if it's a bad day or intuitively know when she's dealing with some very difficult personal things, even though she never ever lets that come into our sessions. I...Read More...

Muff!! Where did you go? What happened that you want to rescind your account?Read More...

That's fantastic. I'm really glad you were able to raise this with him and that you got a successful resolution. Brilliant how you phrased it too - that you needed to be part of the decision. I've had Ts apologise to me on occasion, usually when we've recognised that they were reacting to their own stuff, not mine. Like you, learning to be assertive has been a massive thing so I recognise what an achievement this is. Nice oneRead More...

(((DRAGGERS))) Maybe I'll try that!Read More...