BIM, My ending was a fairy tale ending (one that I like to believe came after the harrowing quest part of the story ) because it was an ending I choose. My T and I also spent a lot of time prior to my ending dealing with and allow me to process the things evoked by planning on leaving. And there were things I did not learn until after I left. But my first T retired before we were done our work together. I had once disappeared on her without a word earlier in our work and had promised both...Read More...

Hey, just wanted to say I've been reading the book by Jon Allen, "Coping with Trauma: A Guide to Self-Understanding." I'm only about fifty pages in, but I'm finding it enormously helpful already. Pulls a lot of things together and sets a good paradigm.Read More...

Tygr If I were there I would give you a big hug. I know about feeling misunderstood because your feelings are intense. What time is is there? Are you gonna be okay lying in bed? I know I do that too sometimes when I am feeling bad. Just so it doesn't make things worse for you. I can see where it would be sad to leave a house even if you haven't lived in it for 3 years. The places we live always hold memories.Read More...

Former T replied with a quick thank you. I knew she would keep it brief if she did reply. I didn't specifically ask for a response, so she didn't need to send anything. I'm glad she did though. I did want to feel the connection and to transfer some info. Also, one of my assignments for supervision was to think back to my own therapy to write in a journal about how I want to do therapy, so I've been thinking about our sessions a lot lately. Thank you for posting SD, Cat, and Shaman!Read More...

Catalyst, Thanks for the welcome and the response. It's so refreshing to read about the tools your using and helps me feel "not so alone" so to speak. I'm encouraged by the fact that not every trauma needs "reason or story" and take comfort in that fact. I'm going to investigate the Somatic Experiencing therapy and Iyengar yoga. I love yoga and usually do Bikram but since your post I'm googling studios in my area to see who teaches that Iyengar. Your post has helped a great deal and I'm so...Read More...

Thank you for your reply Kid Last session with T I kept my eyes closed almost all the time, and it was really hard to look at T.I think that was little one, she didn´t want to see us. Two years ago I could very much feel little one.I played her lullabies at night before we went to sleep and she allowed me to rock her and she allowed me to stroke her cheek and she felt T was her mum. Your advice is very good Kid. I am going to ask her permission if I can lay with her and play her some nice...Read More...

I'm glad you let her be a kid, Muff. I'm sure she appreciated your care.Read More...

Hi Turtle, Smiling Penguin, Mallard & Athenacus, Thanks for the feedback! I'm in a bit of a - down - state right now but grasping at all the available resources to hang in. One of which is this place and the wonderful people in it. SP: I'm all too familiar with the kind of person you'd better run from. I have been in therapy on and – more often – off over the last 16 years and the one of the reasons I went off the T’s in question was exactly this attitude. It makes me quite determined...Read More...

Re: It's All Falling ApartRead More...

i intend to hang about, muff. there's too much for me to learn here. i do think you tend to give me way too much credit.Read More...

((turtle)) Ugh I totally get how hard it is to find... that 'compassion' (hate when my Ts SAY THIS) for yourself. I'm really sorry your T had to cancel... that sucks. It's okay to let things fall a little bit apart sometimes, I do that.. and then when I'm ready for a fresh start I really organize things and it all feels that much better, and new. Glad you got out with a friend, and sorry you do not have a tub! Perhaps a hot tub is somewhere you could go? Some resorts will let you come in,...Read More...

Sorry this is hard to process, TK. It has sounded very difficult, and of course you would be feeling all of this stuff. Usually when numb wears off, in my own experience w/ somatic work and what my T has explained, anxiety and/or anger will often come up as we dethaw. I'm sorry your T wasn't more effective during the appointment, at least she can see that though. I've had my Ts pursue one method in session and later realize it wasn't exactly the right place to go and it can get better.Read More...

I did! Thanks PenguinRead More...

I liked the snails bestRead More...

lol I hope your friend finds what he or she is looking for.Read More...

Hey Hollow, I am glad you are getting support here. I notice that you are always really lovely, kind and courteous in your responses to everyone in your own threads and on the board in general. I just wanted to say that if you did ever feel like something I said didn't quite fit, or for whatever reason you felt criticised or something didn't quite make sense, I would be 100% okay with you questioning it and saying how you felt. I get that it might feel very threatening to do that and it may...Read More...

Oh I forgot, Hollow and Mallard, Yeah I know scary thought huh??? My relationship with myself is the most rocky one I know so working with a T on me is also very rocky. UghRead More...

Hi HIC...oh, I so hope you continue! It's an outlet I didn't expect to have and I've learned so much from what I've drawn. When I get the urge to draw, it's because I see an image in my mind. But sometimes when I go to put medium to paper, it can turn totally different. I'll even make note of that fact on the back, should it happen that way. Then, I question why I used a certain colours or why I drew curves and circles instead of straight lines or boxes. What do these shapes represent to you...Read More...

Re: What Is This Life?Read More...

(((Cogs))) Brava! You keep very courageously going back to work through this despite all the difficult feelings. I am glad that you had a good session. It's a frustrating process, healing, but you're very determined. AGRead More...

(((Monte))) I'm sorry, I get that deep-down, encoded into your cells belief that it is only when you are alone that it is safe to have feelings. I have no doubt you will find a way through, but hope it's shorter rather than (any!) longer. ((DBS)) That describes it perfectly!! The hardest part is that I am leaving BN's office and just dissociating the session, so its a struggle to process in between sessions, which for me is often a very important part of the work. This is NOT going to be a...Read More...

This is the first chance I've had to get back here since I started this thread. Wednesdays are SO busy for me this semester. But I have read and am touched by all of your responses, and especially the fact that anyone could be moved by my post. I can feel your compassion and it brings tears to my eyes. Some of you -- Jones, AG, Draggers -- have witnessed my T struggles nearly since the beginning, and you have always supported me even when I made what must have appeared to be foolish...Read More...

((TK)) I'm glad you were able to talk to your T about the phone call. I think it is so fortunate you are seeing a T who is an adoptive parent, that sounds like it's very helpful. It sounds like you are doing great work!Read More...

Hi TAS - No worries. I also was thinking of posting the link below, and hesitated. It's to a recent Reuters 5-part expose on the abusive practice of informal adoption 'rehoming'. I hesitated because basically it's so full of triggers - as well as being not exactly what you were looking for - but I'll leave it to you to decide whether to read or not, if you haven't seen it already. It's pretty harrowing. But perhaps there is something there that might also helpfully speak to your experience...Read More...