I hope all goes well for you, Jillann. I live in my head also and have a CSA thing in my background as well. I have a hard time with anger too! All this stuff worries me because I'm trying to figure out all of this stuff out myself as a client, yet I'm going to be counseling others.Read More...

((A)) i wish you could share with your T how you are struggling to. It's very vulnerable sometimes, well... to admit they matter so much. ((Hollow)) A magical sense of total certainty makes sense... control. That is what I am looking for so often. I think people with a greater resource that has filled that hole do feel a sense of 'good' in the world... that is what many people lose in a poor attachment history. A sense that there is 'okay'. There is okay... but sometimes I don't have time to...Read More...

Thank you all for your kind replies. I don't have time to address everyone personally right now. I will keep believing in that butterfly, SD. I have to say that I was really freaked out when I got to the park and saw ALL those kids and the noise and chaos. I had some panicked thoughts that I would just leave my rock under the tree and then go with T back to his office to do all the reading parts. But thankfully the field cleared for just long enough for me to do what I planned. I really...Read More...

I'm still wanting a hug from former T. One of my first assignments for the semester is to write in a journal. When I asked my prof. to give me a little more detail or guidance on what to write, she told me I should think about my former therapy sessions and how I'd like to be as a T. Of course, now I'm thinking about past sessions and missing former T. I might run into her next week when I take one of my kiddos into the same clinic. I hope I do run into her. I just want to look into her...Read More...

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(((Pingles))) (((Draggers))) Thank you. The doc did mention it might make me sleepy and to make sure I took it before bedtime. Thank you Draggers; I'll watch out for that side effect. I've had that happen a few times, but never on the NHS beforeRead More...

Thanks AG!Read More...

Thanks BLT! The website looked cool, next time I'm on my phone I'll give it a download. The DBT one I'm avoiding, for now.Read More...

i definitely agree with all of you, and frequently feel like an outsider or outcast because life doesn't come as easily for me as it presumably does for most others around me. and it is a very alienating thing, i think ... at least it is for me. i'm going through some really difficult (to me ... maybe a more nurtured person wouldn't struggle nearly so much) with my FOO. i'm really feeling like an ugly duckling, fully exposed and made to feel as though i've done something wrong when i know in...Read More...

((TK))Read More...

Thanks Hollow!Read More...

RT Monday hugs for our fav muppet, AV from the pingles xRead More...

Just wanted to provide everyone a quick update on how today has been. I was initially going to hibernate so I could try and make sense of some of this. But, I know that's not the best thing to do so I forced my *ss out the door. Didn't know where I was going, I was just GOING! Even though it didn't prevent thoughts of disbelief, it helped distract. I have an appt with T this coming Wed afternoon, so the timing is good. I'll be very curious to know her thoughts. (Sent her a summary of what I...Read More...

I use firefox on a Macbook and followed your directions. It worked - yeah! I'm constantly clearing my history, for fear my computer will die (which has happened) and I'll have to turn it over to a technician who could then see my history... Thank you very much!Read More...

Took me a while to get around to this thread. Almost all of my childhood stuff that was important to me was at my grandmas and ended up getting thrown away by my mom after she died. My hand-painted horses, she gave to my little sisters when they were two small to play with them and they broke the legs off of half of them, but I still have the whole bunch, which I got back somehow after college. I also have one stuffed kitty cat. When I looked through some old photo albums, I was surprised to...Read More...

(((Draggers))) (((Monte))) (((Mallard))) (((Rebuilding Me))) Thanks for all the encouragement for my work with my T so far and going forward. Monte, haha, sometimes he is maybe not the most "professional" in his approach, or maybe it is tempered with a non-standard level of investment. Your post meant so much to me. I reread it over and over again. Just to have someone say what he has said and I know, which is how deeply he cares, but still, to have it seen from the outside, is very...Read More...

squuuiisshhhhhhhhh ((cogs))Read More...

Hi Elly Thank you for that very nice post. It's good to know that you are now doing so well in therapy with your new therapist. In answer to your question... by far the most helpful posts to me over the years have been the ones where members talk about their sessions and the obstacles they face and have learned to overcome or in talking about how their T's conduct therapy and what they expect, their boundaries and their theoretical perspectives. I have learned much from reading about others'...Read More...

((((RT)))) i get you. you make more sense than you sometimes think you do. you're all right mallard, by all means share the info if you stumble on it again. TAS has also confused SomeDays and CD for the very same reason! LOL! it's all cool and i'm feeling better, was just going through a crap time, so no worries. hey, btw, i'm glad you're here, tooRead More...

Yea! I'm glad to finally hear some good news on the boards. Glad you stuck with it, BLT, and finally found someone who seems appropriately responsive. And good for you for recognizing your pattern with your mother and how you really can take care of yourself when she is being judgmental. (Yes you can!) (((BLT)))Read More...

Thank you for the hug Cat. I am sorry for the loss of your friend. I am also sorry that you know how it feels to feel so wrong about yourself. It is difficult. I also wanted you to know that I have been reading your threads lately but having a lot of trouble responding, I want to support you but I don't know what to say when your ED issues come up because mine are so very different. I don't expect that my sending a hug will have much meaning but I am always amazed on how much it means to me...Read More...

Hi Cat & co, Pfff, I only yesterday e-mailed a letter to my T, disclosing THE two most painful and embarrassing thinks I have been struggling with for a loooong time. I asked her for a response, telling her that I found the idea of having to wait until the next session intolerable. Shortly after that I sent her a purely practical e-mail asking if she could exceptionally schedule my usual weekly session at a later hour. Strangely, I recieved a reply to the second e-mail this morning,...Read More...

((GE)) I'm glad you feel you are getting somewhere with it despite how hard it is!! thinking of you.Read More...

Hi ((A)) I think that's so sweet of your T. My T gets teary about connection stuff, too. Like, in a hard session and sharing and what have you. It freaks me out, and comforts me. Like turtle said it is okay to cry... I say this though knowing that probably the first two years of my therapy I rolled my eyes every time my T told me that. I hope you can tell him how you feel. That's the great fun of making a relationship w/ your T... you get to tell them all the uncomfortable stuff about it.Read More...

*nods to RT* In some ways it's like being re-traumatised and it builds and builds doesn't it? These patterns of ours can self-reinforce. Believe it or not some of the biggest crazy that comes out with me is when I am faced with writing essays. I turn into a massive, triggered, snot-ridden crying mess over the thought of turning in a piece of work. You could put me in front of a room of people and tell me to wing a presentation and I would. One teeny, tiny essay has the power to have me...Read More...