Resonated with me too TAS. I really don't want to be me anymore, which is good in way but also produces a ton of fear in me. Not being me means I have to change and that is near impossible it seems. Using your metaphor a tad differently, after years and years cement will start to break down a little bit but then then to redo it you sometimes have to use a sledge hammer. Therapy at times feels like a sledge hammer to me. Can be effective but what a mess in the process. Be well.Read More...

I feel the kettles...yes. Swimming and skiing are my release.Read More...

I *know* you CD. Settle for nothing more than the best for you and the wee one.Read More...

Thanks for the response so I stil have no clu y I'm on it when I havent been angry or throwing fits. I ve been submissive a thally so I keep my nose clean...& my mouth. Figure if im quiet..I don't kno. Side effects arent any better. Also started xylem which I read is very addicting. More I read more I don.t like. Thi k I'm refusing it to niteRead More...

My T's upcoming vacation is weighing quite heavily on my mind. As hard as it was to not dive and stay under the covers all day, I literally had to force my a** out the front door. I could feel the inevitable panic attack setting in and li'l one's flood of tears just beneath the surface. When it gets to this point, the desire to drink becomes unbearable at times. As painful as it is to go thru this during my sobriety, I cannot allow myself to go back to drinking enough to black out almost...Read More...

I am still learning as you are Green Eyes.Read More...

((tas)) I think those walls and defences start collapsing when the mind knows we are now in a safe place in life for that to happen. That its safe to let go and start healingRead More...

Your so good CD.Read More...

Turtle, I thought your dots were very creative. Someone erased them though.Read More...

I totally agree ...the hardest work ever. It takes great courage. We are all very courageous to face our demons, which are so crippling, and no doubt in addition to the wounded child some/all of us have a massive inner critic too which ridicules me for behaving in such a pathetic way! I still need to learn to be nice to myself....that no doubt sounds familiar too!Read More...

I'm happy for you, Athenacus! I hope you'll write more about this. Since I like to create anxieties for myself, it's not enough that I'm in therapy--I like to fast-forward/forecast the time when I will have to leave therapy and wonder how hard it will be, how much I will obsess about T, when/where I would ever run into her (probably never ) and so on.... So hearing about your meeting makes me feel elated and so happy for you today! RabbitEarsRead More...

Hi GreenEyes, Last appointment went well. I did not say very much, we just planned a little about my goals for therapy. She gave me a hug when I left. I was exoecting to panic later, but I was ok and I texted her to say thank you and good luck. I had not managed that when I left! I have texted a couple of times since and she always replies immediatly, which is nice. I have back up T every week if I need, so I am just texting T for contact, which she is ok with. She has promised to let me...Read More...

((Muff)) So right on target and so incredibly hard to get there--the elusiveness has been the struggle of my lifetime YET, like you, I won't settle for any thing less for all of me!Read More...

Dr's are good for diagnosing such matters CD. If you only have two wee patches you could try hydocortisone acetate cream 1%~~~ over the counter. Safe to use. Google the Proz92 for more info. I think it can be used on eczema.Read More...

The truth about us is all that ever mattered.Read More...

Maybe a little longer Blu, before seriously pushing it. Start with a glass of water for your ....insert emotion here..........!Read More...

G'day Crootie, Yes, very confusing. It does go against the grain when we are taught to not be ourselves. It can take years in therapy to undo those lessons our family taught us. In that respect therapy is an unlearning of a sorts. No my sibs were not supportive in any way. I am a firm believer that our emotions can effect our body, including the skin. Why deal with people we have nothing in common with? My whole family became estranged too. .Read More...

Thank you Draggers...unfortunately, there are many on this board that can relate. I hope you know my exasperation was not meant to be directed toward you...what you wrote is truth. Yes, I am doing it but I am telling him this week if he doesn't change his boundary... I am out...Everything is overwhelming due to this boundary...stirring up stuff...if he compromised...the pain would lessen and I could manage it better. Thank you for your kind words. I know what you are saying is...Read More...

Hi All, My father was ahypnotherapist for 25 years. It is very useful for people with resistance, shame ect, it bypasses the conscious mind, which maybe blocking the progress and works directly with the subconscious. However, my father also said he would be reluctant to recommend hypnotherapy in UK because it is so unregulated and he has met so many hypnotherapists at meetings and training courses,who he feels have no idea what they are doing. I don't know how it is in other part of the...Read More...

I have become obsessed with different women in my life, usually a bit older and wiser who I thought could be mentors. But I always wanted more, I wanted to be special to them - like a bet friend or a daughter I guess. I always tried to keep these feelings in check so as to not freak any of them out but the wanting to be special to them is so powerful. I still feel it even though I don't speak to any of them anymore. The heartbreak of never getting what I wanted is very powerful too. I spoke...Read More...

Thanks Jilliann your post, I feel that being challenging if that is the approach he is taking doesn't feel right for me, wouldn't that be better if rapport, trust, and safety have been built. Puppet - your response has calmed me down and I feel a bit more confident in handling the issue now, so thank you! The way you explained how the sense of safety is built by therapist and what we do with the space is up to us. I think you nailed it. I just feel this strong sense that with the right...Read More...

Thank you, AG! This is exactly what is (or was) happening with me. I was having such intense shame reactions (an almost physical reaction) whenever T said something kind or "tender" or discussed the "relationship" between us. Now, for reasons I don't understand, T does not speak of any of this at all, and even though I was uncomfortable and ashamed before, I am feeling destroyed by the absence of it... The song lyrics are amazing. Thank you for including them. Yes, it seems to be a choice...Read More...

Becca: Thank you. You are right. I am tired. Somedays I feel as if I am barely hanging on...somedays I have fallen flat on my face...but have fallen in the direction I want to head in... Thank you for your encouragement... T. RabbitEars...THANK YOU!Read More...