TAS... what you wrote really resonated with me (btw it was very well written and explained) because I had this same conversation with my T yesterday. I'm sorry for what you suffered through and I totally understand the anger and grief all mixed into it. I guess that is what we have to work through and process... the anger and grief. My T keeps telling me that I don't have to do this alone and that if I allow him in it will be much easier for me and I will heal. I pretty much told him he's...Read More...

Oh Mudd I feel so bad for you!! OMG he should have been telling you about this HUGE sabbatical break long before you opened up to him. I mean I have no idea when he figured it out but still. How painful. I think that therapists need to be very very clear on when they are about to leave or take a break or what have you especially with those who have PTSD or a history of abuse. I feel he was irresponsible here. ON the other hand I know you feel pretty close to him. You must be so torn as to...Read More...

Thank you TN I keep trying to tell myself that too.Read More...

Hello lovely people, I don't have time to reply individually right now, plus unfortunately am kind of fuzzy headed at the moment, but wanted to at least write briefly to thank you all for the replies. I loved reading about your sessions and how venting plays out in therapy for you. I have to say, it was kind of fun. And probably also bonding as Catalyst said, cathartic, and a good experience of being emotionally in the moment. Upon reflection, it probably was a productive session. Nice to...Read More...

((((TURTLE))) You made a difficult and courageous decision. It WILL be hard for sure but worth it in the long run. I haven't been so brave yet.Read More...

Aw, bummer. I'll have to come up with a better suggestion for next year. Well, at least you made him laugh! Was that kind of fun or did it bother you? Sorry if I set you up for feeling insulted by your T.Read More...

(((BG))) Even since I've been on this forum, I have seen you make huge progress. I hope to "grow up" one day and not feel like I need T and the only solution to it is to run away completely from him. Talk about bad timing, last night he randomly said something about his life not being in his control, from a spiritual perspective, and how he could be gone tomorrow. It was in response to my feeling like I am "dragging him along" on this horrible, unending journey with me. He was saying I can't...Read More...

Hey, Thanks so much to everyone who responded and "voted" on what course you would take. It's helpful to read different opinions and perspectives. I am still not sure what I want to do yet, but am leaning to doing phone sessions at least for the next few weeks. I have been asking myself this since yesterday. It's strange because while my parents had some problems and our family dynamics were not the healthiest, in a physical, practical, day to day sense they were there. So this piece of my...Read More...

Liese. IM sorry you had to through that. Just try to remember it has nothing to do with you. But with them and their own issues. I was so sick on Easter, the entire day was ruined and I missed slot of pre planned things including the class I teach at my Church....which on a holiday is very very busy. None was upset or made me feel.bad. If I had been dealing with my parents when they drank heavily however, then it would have been a different story. Not your fault stall. Easier said than done,...Read More...

That's funny Turtle. T called me by mistake once instead of her daughter. I answered the phone "Hello" ....she says "Hey...what you doing?" Total Un-T like thing to say. I slowly say "nothing"...."what are you doing?" Then she realized it wasn't her daughter and apologized profusely! Was so weird at the time, but funny now.Read More...

....what Poppet said. About running again Hang in there TAS. He's not going anywhere...you remind me of me sometimes. I "tested" my old T non stop.Read More...

When I told T about this place, he first expressed interest and curiosity. After thinking it over a couple of weeks, I decided I'd give him the web address if he was curious, because I trusted him and I don't say anything on here that I don't eventually tell him anyway. He appreciated my being willing to do it, but said that he didn't really have time to go on and read it and I know from other conversations that he doesn't really do forums (nothing against them, just no time and preference...Read More...

happy easter everyone! puppetRead More...

My T does hug. And honestly, I think if I asked, or gestured...she would hug me a lot more often...but, I struggle with other feelings about being worthy of it, forcing her to do it, and things that are reflective of my baggage. I think sometimes when our T's set boundaries, or don't interfere with bizarre ones we set for ourselves about recognizing where they don't have one - They are simply allowing us the space and strength to deal with things on our own. And maybe they know, as I fear...Read More...

Thanks Greeneyes. Yes relationships are very important. I have some very good friends who I have known for decades. They are good people and would give me the shirt off of their backs if necessary and I in turn would do the same for them. So that is a good thing huh? I think it is more that I am doing some spring cleaning here. I am sure that T means well but there is something about her that just sets me on edge. I like her and I would miss her but honestly my life has been so disrupted...Read More...

Oh! And I found two other things help me a lot too: reading your text out loud to yourself and walking around while you're reading. Granted, you'll look silly, but it really keeps me concentrated. Hope that helps anyone!Read More...

I am glad I mustered up the nerve to start this topic and am especially glad to receive such thoughtful feedback. I am learning a lot from all of you. I love to hear how so many of us are putting an end to neglect and the dysfunctional cycles and showing affection to our kids and watching them grow up and be able to show healthy affection to one another and to their own kids. I have read about how an adult will overcompensate for what they lacked growing up and I can definitely see the fruit...Read More...

Hi TAS, I think mutual trust is important. It took me ages and ages to trust T, not cos she ever did anything but remain even and constant, but because I find trust difficult. But she trusted me and that was really empowering in our relationship, especially when I was being so damned awkward at the beginning. So if I had done something wrong as you said you did, for me, knowing that she trusted me still would strengthen our relationship and help it to grow. She has said that there is nothing...Read More...

I remember that, yeah. That's how I feel...just more people telling me I'm too much or thinking I'm lying or exaggerating or manipulating. (((Liese))) Thanks, you helped me feel less alone.Read More...

No texting, no e-mailing, no phone calls...the latter only allowed if it has something to do with appt. changes.Read More...

Thank you EVERYONE for your replies...things are still plugging along...I still think he doesn't like me and now when he calls about appt. changes...I think he is angry with me because he is so short and to the point. I just feel that he doesn't want me and is trying to have as little contact as possible because he doesn't want to deal with me. I haven't said this to him because I don't want to come across as accusatory. I don't know. I do know THERAPY SUCKS! Just when you think you are over...Read More...

((((DAISY)))) I had a best friend about 15 years ago. I really liked her a lot. (Do I sound like I'm 5 instead of almost 50?) At some point I found out that she had developed a really deep relationship with another woman but had hidden it from me. I was mortified when I found out about the depth of their friendship. It was clear the friendship had been developing for some time by the time I found out about it. I felt like she hid it from me because she thought I would be hurt by her other...Read More...

Hey Guys - Sorry I haven't updated. Been out of sorts a bit. I have decided to not go back for now. I am taking a therapy break. It's going ok so far. I started a diet/healthy eating plan today. I don't have a ton of weight to lose but I know it will help me feel better overall. I have two more weeks of my meds wean and I am proud that I am doing it on my own. I emailed with old T last week and got some closure that I needed and I think that has helped me to feel more stable. I'm still...Read More...

Thanks BLT for giving me your insight....I totally see your viewpoint and gives me ideas to think about. And thanks Liese....background, well he's been in practice for over 20yrs and does do cbt with me. He has helped in so many ways, I couldn't even drive to his office when I first saw him, the commute was only 12 mins away...I could barely leave my house. He has since moved locations to another state that is just less than half hr drive from my house to his new location...and I'm able to...Read More...