Thanks you guys. You make it seem more do-able. I was in it briefly before but didn't have a therapist that supported it. This time I will have a therapist who supports it. I just don't want to spend most of my therapy time talking about skills if you know what I mean. And yes I am just like you catalyst in that I would make an ice cream machine too!Read More...

First thing i thought of like you, is being sent to the principal office. That overwhelming feeling if dread & all the trickle down effect it will cause bec I won't be I'n the same mood when I come out. I also get extremely defensive like I'm getting ready for a fight & I always promise myself that I won't cry or show any soft emotions. When I come out it takes 2 days to feel normal again.Read More...

I've seen her Ted talks and liked them. Haven't read any of her books yet. Thanks for the recommendation!Read More...

My eyelid is so swollen, I look like Rocky. I don't want to go out of my house tomorrow, don't want people looking at me and wondering if I got hit or something, definitrly don't want T to see me looking like this. I hate being seen enough as it is without giving people a reason to stare.Read More...

I looked slightly in my T's general direction the other day and he made a huge deal about the "eye contact" I had given him, which for him meant I wasn't looking anywhere but at him. I don't remember even looking at him...I spaced out, lol. By the time I do manage to look (glance?) at my T, he always seems happy to see me and positive. He wishes I would take that in more, but I guess I find it threatening? There are some things I've brought up to T that he has worked to change as a result of...Read More...

Thank you all for your input. I know it's not good for me to not go back to t. however, I can't afford it anymore. I don't know how to post updates so I did it under my first post. any additional input would be greatly appreciated. thanks!Read More...

Hey you, Yes, it was along those lines, I think. I'm kind of foggy right now. Did T2 tell you if it's good thing or a bad thing that you're going through developmental trauma right now? It sounds like a bad thing but it sounds like it could also be a good thing. Not sure. The fluidity concept sounds interesting, almost like you are sitting back and watching a little more, watching things flow in and flow out? I can't remember exactly what it is I was going to say but I do relate to trying to...Read More...

hi anagum, its just a very quick reply as i dont have time now - and i will come back later... but i just wanted to say... you are giving yourself a week to sort out something so major?? i think you are being too hard on yourself. i think setting such harsh goals will only make it harder. take your time. and i'm sure your T must know how slow progress usually is. i think it will probably be an issue that you will revisit and improve on in time, unfortunately there is no fix it once and for...Read More...

Thanks you guys. Yeah your advice is solid about getting out and doing things. It is very good advice yet so hard for me. I tend to isolate and withdraw. That's why structured things (during the week) suit me better. I appreciate all of your care and concern. I am glad it's Monday!!Read More...

Hi GreenEyes, I know you are right.. speaking up just seems like doing the impossible. After all these years I am sooooo close to what I always wanted: I know she cares about me, I am not afraid to tell her things, she treats me as a normal human being and not just a patient... I know I'll lose that if I 'make' myself into the patient again. The only reason we communicate as healthy normal adults is because she thinks that I am one.Read More...

Oh, definitely! I agree with you both. (btw, just to clarify, I said that about the postpartum stuff to maybe help Catalyst "feel better", not to minimize the attack)Read More...

(((IrishX))) Oh, amen to that! If I could do things over again I would ideally have done a year or two of therapy before having kids, but then, their existence has probably brought some of my own attachment issues closer to the surface so maybe it wouldn't have been the same. Who knows? Be that as it may, I started with T when my daughter was seven months old and then my son was born about a year later-- and it's hard to describe in a brief post, but things went so much more smoothly with...Read More...

Yip, for me it is a side effect of depression and PTSD for sure. It drives me crazy and I also snap and scream and just basically need to get out and be alone. The more I am dealing with those sorts of emotions the worse it is. and yes, Cat and Poppet I get that highly sensitive thing too with the PTSD to the point where I physically feel vibrations of just about everything....and yes to the smells too, they can either calm me or send me over the edge. B2WRead More...

Sorry it took a while for me to come back and reply to your support. I was still processing a lot about her visit. I talked about the things I posted here with T, some of the realizations I'm starting to make about how void my early attachment scenario was and how central splitting around attachment is to the way I'm "structured" internally. (((Liese))) I hope you are able to set those boundaries too. I do it, but I feel awful. Last night, she texted a mass text to all us kids that she loved...Read More...

oops, sorry...was that a hijack?Read More...

I feel for you very much, and you should never blame yourself for what happened. My mother was killed when I was one, and the aunt I accepted as second mommy abandoned me when I was 2. It made me a mess, and I got into therapy at age 30. All those feelings about love and fear of losing went onto my T. Therapists need to respect this and not be too rough. If I could help any, I would say try to get the courage to read some books or on-line about the Transference Relationship between patient...Read More...

I just posted a similar topic without realizing you had already posted this. I'm glad you were able to get a smiley out of T. That's at least a good response. BTW-I miss my former T and am thinking about calling her or FB messaging her to give her an update. I don't know if I have the courage to do that though. I don't want to either hear nothing from her or something that tells me to not do that. I don't think she would say that, but I don't know if I want to event try. I miss her sooooo...Read More...

Sorry to hear about your MIL Liese. Re you snapping out of the bad stuff and back into reality. I do that too. I have no idea why. I think it has something to do with survival and prioritizing emotions? Not sure. B2WRead More...

TN So glad you have such a wonderful T to help you through this, you deserve it thinking of you xxxxxRead More...

thanks everyone for the input. Cat I like your hot dog story- it makes sense. I mean if my internest was fed up with me she would have showed it or terminated me. I am currently in therapy getting help and she knows this. b2w and scars I guess you guys are right. Internist's have a lack of understanding probly because that's not what they're trained in. I guess I'll stick with my internest for right now.Read More...

my T is psychoanalytical and i feel like she focuses on the bringing down of defences, i remember i definetely felt that in the beginning - and it actually made me more resistant. maybe if she is doing it well, i'm not supposed to notice so much?... sometimes i feel she really pushes my buttons and that it doesn't help, i get more resistant. in my view, i dont feel that as 'my' goal, maybe its because i'm still trying to trust her. i see it more as something that happens along the way...Read More...

thank you irish! i tend to get back to functioning because i worry too much that other people will see what is really inside me, and that scares me. it is a good thing i guess, but sometimes i feel like i cant even fall apart properly... it is exhausting.... so my falling apart is generally for the weekend, and sometimes it spills over a bit. sorry for the rant... i really appreciate you checking in on me puppetRead More...

Hello TAS, I think about this question a lot. As I understand them, suppression and repression are both coping mechanisms used to avoid expressing or experiencing certain thoughts or feelings. Suppression is a conscious choice we make to, for example, set aside something we are aware of because we are in the middle of dealing with something more pressing. We choose when to return to the "issue." This can become a habitual action to a problem we wish to avoid dealing with. Repression, on the...Read More...

Turtle, he's adorable! Lucky you and him.Read More...

(((GreenEyes))) Hope you're doing ok.Read More...