Hi thanks for your feedback and apologize for the error on my part.Read More...

Letting our session sink in some more - the positives are that when I asked if she had heard if a transitional object she said yes and then gave a perfect explanation if what it is She said this more common in psychotherapy. She was trying to find out what would be helpful - ie should she write something as well as the time and date if our next app? What sort if thing would be helpful? An acknowledgment of my abandonment and how it feels a validating how I feel is very real and very...Read More...

Thank you all for the feedback and support! Rebuilding Me-yup, my T also told me that I don't need to do an explanation. Enmeshment-yes, to that too. I was trying to do something other than going on a family trip and I was feeling almost guilted into it, but I stood up and said that I didn't feel well. I felt guilty after that though. There was another member of the family who was almost guilted into being the driver, but he didn't want to go either, so I think that is the main reason they...Read More...

(((SD))) I'm so sorry you've also gone through this It's just the worst... healing from the original wounds is challenging enough without any added layers. It breaks my heart to hear of others who feel the pain of it- I thought it would kill me. I agree that trusting is a long process, esp after it's gone wrong before. It seems there is a lot of back and forth, testing the waters. I'm glad that things are still going forward with your T and repairs happen more quickly, that's a great sign...Read More...

x1000 I am in a pretty good place in my therapy right now BUT I have been where you are so many times over. Fairly recently there was a rupture followed by aftershocks where I spent a huge amount of time feeling like there was no point. That the connection was gone. That it was broken, for good, if it even existed in the first place (and I wasn't sure of that either, I felt like I'd either made the whole thing up or that my mind was playing tricks on me. It was horrid). And then, I'm not...Read More...

I think big med transitions like this are a perfect time to see our Ts again for assistance. If you can't see her, could you see your P or whoever your prescriber is? I know from experience that Ven is one of the most terrible ADs to come off of. The physical difficulty alone is enough to make it so soul consuming.Read More...

you can do it (bring it up if he doesn't next session) Funny, but as great at their jobs as they are, out Ts are not mind readers Never assume they 'got' something you hinted at - especially if it's something really important to you. Cos if he didn't understand or get the deeper meaning to you saying you 'feel tired' (which is very broad and general) and therefore doesn't being it up, it leaves you at risk of feeling really really hurtRead More...

TN I'm so happy for you being able to express what had been incredibly painful and bottled up for so long!! That took mega-courage! it's awesome your understood. My T is like yours in really REALLY wanting me to express ANYTHING to her - and ESPECIALLY if it's something she has said or done that has left me wounded (her word - wounded describes it perfectly!). She reminds me so often, it's reassuring - I like to think the more our Ts say it, the more it sinks in. I know it has for me - I DO...Read More...

Hi Rebuilding Me, I haven't been going very long and I think it is very dependent upon the practitioner and their methodology. I have experienced it in a very patient-directed way, in which the practitioner asks me what I need and then she would do that. In that case, it was just placing her hands on my shoulders or back, where ever my instinct led me. She would then ask me if it was okay for her to touch my feet, or whatever she felt the impulse to touch based upon what she sensed my need...Read More...

I'm not a parent, but I was a child enrolled in every possible activity growing up. My parents worked full time and were not able to get us where we needed to be everyday. So, they found a community that had it all. We went to the Jewish Community Center after school (you don't have to be Jewish to take part in the programming). It was a safe location where we could do homework when not in an activity. Plus, there were tons of activities on site to join. When that became too expensive, we...Read More...

Thank you (((s-b)))) for caring and being there, all you wrote was very kind of you. I am grateful for the support, some of this stuff is too heavy to face alone. I've started struggling with questioning myself if I made the right choices, so it does help to have validation again, helps keep me from beating myself up too muchRead More...

Will do LongRoad, its working for me and tying in with T who use’s mindfulness in sessions. ChezzaRead More...

My goodness, so many replies! Thank you, everyone! I'm so sorry I've been absent from the boards over the past few days. I've been exhausted beyond belief and emotionally fragile to boot. Responding is getting harder and harder. I did see T on Saturday and had 'the talk.' I did preface it with "I think this has more to do with me than with you." He was pretty much on point with his response, neither admitting or denying whatever feelings he might have. Talk about relief! We did discuss ET in...Read More...

PWW, Glad you liked the line about the diaper. If I'm honest, that was just the picture I got in my mind, when I stopped and just admitted what I was feeling. Thank you for the empathy, it really does help to feel so foolish and shameful and have people meet me with understanding and compassion. And thank you for noticing I reached out. It really is difficult for me to do but I am very glad that I am developing the skill. And I did do something good. My husband and I went to see "Wizard of...Read More...

((((Elsewhere)))) Don't know what's going on but thought you could use a hug.Read More...

Hi Monte, PF, SB, and SF Thank you for sharing your insight and experiences with me. As I look back over my two years of therapy I can see the progress I've made in this area. And as my T has pointed out to me, I won't feel really relaxed and open until my nervous system tells me it's safe to do so. And right now my nervous is, well, nervous LongRoadRead More...

Another update- More than likely I did not get the job. I heard back from the program director already yesterday. She told me that they had an applicant that fit the job perfectly and had all of the qualifications, so they will ask that person to fill the position. If that person doesn't take the job, then maybe I have a shot at it. I don't see that happening though. With other things going on in my life right now and in the near future, a job switch might not work out anyway. I'm going to...Read More...

Sorry PF, you get in the habit of using all kinds of acronyms to save typing time if you're online a lot. AD stands for anti-depressant. Glad you found the stool analogy helpful!Read More...

Hi LongRoad! Thanks so much for sharing your story! When I was growing up, I was never allowed to ask why. Recently, I realized I always wonder why and maybe it was okay to ask. Now I sound like a toddler always asking people, "Why?" I rarely say excuse me, too, or if I have to, I apologize profusely for even having to ask. Thanks again! PFRead More...

Thanks avoidant to bringing up Hakomi psychotherapy. I've never heard of it before. It sounds helpful. I looked it up and there are several workshops in my area dealing specifically with mindfulness and attachment issues. I'd love to hear of others who have used their methods. Thanks again, PFRead More...

Hi, Thanks for reposting. That was a really great article. I, for one, am so glad you feel so validated here. Thanks for sharing.Read More...

I don't know if I compared myself to my T but I felt devalued by him so on some level I must have. I do know that I got tired of feeling devalued. I got tired of feeling less than. The truth is there are people who make friends more easily than I do and people who have nicer houses and more money. But this is who I am. Why do I keep knocking myself for what I am not? If I stay true to who I am without judging, there is a lot less pain involved. I was spending too much energy crying over who...Read More...

Hi I dissociate and it varies in intensity and speed. Sometimes I can feel it coming and ground myself (rare though). I also do full on switches and that too varies as to how much I am aware of what is happening. It is lightening fast though and not controllable (at least not for me, at the moment). The trouble is, it seems for me, that the trauma is held inside of dissociated parts of myself (if that makes any sense). It can feel like none of that stuff happened to 'me' - as in the me...Read More...

Thank you for all your answers. Exploring: Thank you for your answer and the suggestion of the song, it does resonate with me, and I am sorry you understand it so much as well. I am trying to keep busy, to deal with one thing at a time, being on holidays does not help much, too much time to stay with only my thoughts, and they are not a very good company. But I am a bit better. Jones: My therapist had mentioned the idea of suffering, and... yes, I am quite good at it. Thank you for your...Read More...

(((KMAY))) So good to see you. It sounds like what she did all along: give you awfully confusing messages. On the one hand, the blanket and all the pics sound so lovely but I remember how broken hearted you were when it all ended and how she reacted then. My guess is she has a lot of unresolved approval needs? What do you think?Read More...