(((turtle))) i'm so sorry for your losses, it must be so overwhelming for you right now and i am sorry you feel so alone now when you would need the support and kindness of others. i am also so sorry (and angry) at your T for her 'icy' response! maybe they should just not offer calls if they can't handle it! (sorry, thats a bit of my own stuff here as well...) you don't have to be so alone with all this, please know you can always come here! puppetRead More...

My T remembers a lot, if not everything, which disturbs me really as I sometimes say stuff and think that I wish I hadn't and really want my T to forget it. I first went to this T over a decade ago and so my past file had been destroyed. This made me pleased as i didn't want T to refer back to then. Pretty sure she has forgotten it all. she did say once that she remembered 1 thing from then - ever since then I have been trying to work out what that 1 thing was. I am not going to ask her....Read More...

From the outset of my therapy I had/have strong feelings of sexual attraction / ET towards my T. It was something that I decided to bring up in sessions very early on purely to be honest with her about it. I suppose I was fortunate in that my T and I got on so well from day one that it wasn't that difficult to bring the subject up. Somedays; you are right in that therapy is hard enough without added layers of problems, but sometimes the ET and the attachment IS the problem and it needs to be...Read More...

Hope Granite comes back as the last 2 things she wrote about have happened to me since her post... a) my T says she knows hardly anything about me b) T has asked me to show her some drawings I need to know how Granite has gone ...... as I need to know what to do next..... Granite, come baaaaaacccccckkkkkk.Read More...

Hi skylynx, Thanks for your reply and sharing. A lot of what you say hits home for me. I have been feeling down and hurt, as well as angry about it and have been trying to care for that partof me with my mothering self. After all I can do that for my children even when I might not feel up to it. Haven't got the knack of it when it comes to self care though. I'm so glad to hear you are well. Thanks for the encouragement. KDRead More...

Thank You Blu! I really appreciate it. Yes, a bit of a rough patch with Therapy/Therapist right now. Sometimes I find myself shaking my head and saying, 'How the hell did I even survive?' If it wasn't for my records, I don't know if any Therapist would have believed all that the first 18 years of life presented to me. I know that some things are so deeply ingrained in me just for survival that are proving to cause more harm than good. I am trying, I really am. Thank you once again for your...Read More...

Diva, Your post really resonates with me...very inspiring and honest. That you started to feel dependent on her again and you are able to be more on your own again as difficult as that is. I have felt this many times and it seems each time I personally "sort of" repeat the pattern it seems to get a little easier. This is what is supposed to happen...atleast it seems that way to me for those who are able to allow attachment...of course providing their T's are not abusive. I hope for you and...Read More...

(((Scars))) well done for allowing yourself to feel the fear. Having confronted it once and survived, do you think it will be a little easier next time that emotion comes up? Resistance. That's interesting because that's a word that my T has used toward me many times, e.g. "I sense that there is a lot of resistance to that idea" etc. Although I think I was wanting to hide from taking certain actions rather than allowing myself to feel certain emotions.Read More...

Hey Liese! How are you?Read More...

Froglet! How you doin?Read More...

Thank you BLT and kmay!Read More...

I usually try humor first and then change the subject. Sometimes she brings me back and sometimes not. It depends usually. If it's bad, I got quiet and then kind of space out until she asks me where I am.Read More...

What's in a name. That's great news that the transference feelings aren't hurting so much now, and well done for getting through your last session. It will get easier and easier for you, although I think we'll both have to secretly love our T's for the rest of our lives I know that I'll love my T simply because of the help and the hope she's given me.Read More...

Hey TAS, Checking in...have you spoken to T? How are you feeling?Read More...

Haha. Yes that's it, BG,Read More...

I told T that I can't do this anymore. She said Do what? I said Therapy. Remember stuff. Write it down. Sit with it. Try to feel normal. Try to change the way I think. It seems I was better off before I started talking about it all. And I am just confused. She said Ok. You don't have to.....that was it. That was all she said. Ouch! Sounds like she is happy to get rid of me. I don't really know what I expected her to say, but I didn't expect that. Funny, I feel a weird sense of relief even...Read More...

thanks guys. i don't quite know what to feel about all this. i know it was just showing my T some pictures i drew.but for me this is huge.in so many years of T i have never ever been even this open with a T. i go back and forth from feeling nothing at all to being terified to feeling it was ok. i don't know what to expect.i think i am dead inside .i showed her this stuff and felt nothing but terror and numbness. people talk about some connection at times like these but i felt nothing between...Read More...

nannabee, i'm sorry you felt rage too... i'm not sure if i fully know why either, its probably to do with the fact that i desperately need her to care about me (like my mother never did) and 'needing' anything and being helpless drives me up the wall! like you say, fun times thank you for sharing! Lampers, i really do hope you'll get to come back later and do this poll ND, nice to meet you and glad you got the warm fuzzies. puppetRead More...

(((kmay))) (((Starry))) (((katiedid))) Thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement! The support from friends here as I struggle through my therapy means a lot.Read More...

(((LL))) Yes, I think you hit the nail on the head. One I woke up from the dream, I at first just assumed that it was about jealousy - shame shame - more negative emotions that I have and again, more reason for me to feel bad about it all, even about having the dream. But the more I thought about it, my view of the dream changed as well - just liked my view of what was going on in session in the dream evolved as time went on. Hmmmm, life imitating my dreams? Thanks for the thoughts. It's...Read More...

Just had a quick look at this blog and it seems really good - I've bookmarked it to go read at my leisure. Thanks for the link SG, and nice to see you're still around in the background LLRead More...

In the begining i always talked about stuff that happened during my week, i would tell my T stories, until she would stop me and ask me the dreded question " how do u feel right now" i hate that question. Lol how do i feel? I dont , i feel nothing. But the stories helped me get comfortable just talking.Read More...

Definatly the right stuff to talk about, its how u feel, start with those thoughts and ur T will guid u through the rest. Ur not alone.Read More...

D'oh! The health center at my school cancelled my new T appointment. They accidentally scheduled me with someone I might have T classes with (a fellow grad student/intern) instead of a regular senior staff member. I won't get to meet with a new T until next week. I e-mailed the T that was the guest speaker in my class the other day to let her know that I enjoyed her book and getting to meet her. I also let thanked her for the wonderful hug she gave me.Read More...

Hiya, exactly what I thought...which I why I decided against popping along! Curiosity isnt always the best motivation!Read More...