Hi B2W - thanks for checking in! T and I are still in conversation around the idea of being and acting grown up. I have finally made the decision that yes, that is what I want to be, and now we're working through the process of grieving and moving forward with life. Getting lots of insights though! Puppet - I like the idea of a learning curve! Interesting fear of death - that's not in my mind, I'm more scared of losing the part of me that I know best - the kid coping mechanisms, and...Read More...

Starrynights, Thanks for sharing the story about your dad. I know I tend to fret a lot when I am not making as much money as I want, so I will remember I can be happy with less.Read More...

Frosty, I am glad it's a happy bye, but please know you will be missed and we would love to see you if you ever pop back. Thank you for all your contibutions and support, starfishyRead More...

Thank you B2W and Starry! In my heart I know I did the right thing. My head jumps to conclusions and I tend to panic...sigh...I'm working on it. I see T today and I'm looking forward to it!Read More...

My T never picks up so I always leave a message. I used to text her, sometimes only texting hi, and she would text me back hello. But T had already said she did not want me to text conversations anymore, because she can't read my emotions and see where I am at, ( we had already had a misunderstanding via text) plus she mentioned boundaries, as in I am crossing them. I actually would text her thoughts I couldn't tell her in person, because I was to ashamed. I was angry she will not text me...Read More...

I agree with everything already said! Plus, we know that some things just don't "process" very well. I remember hearing that my beloved Grampa died, and I just felt shell-shocked. I credit him with saving my life, and yet my reaction certainly wasn't indicative of that. (and I was 30!) I'm sure T won't think you've lied to her! You would be wise to share your concerns with her, actually. Be gentle with yourself, granite. You were so young, and your coping skills were so limited still! Hugs...Read More...

It sounds like you've reached a really good place in your life right now where Therapy is just a tool that you call on as needed. It sounds like it is working pretty well seeing T every three weeks, kind of like a routine check-in that you can always count on. I have no doubt that T would get you in sooner if you needed. I look forward to reaching that place in my therapy where I have grown strong enough to weather the daily chaos of life without needing T to pick the pieces back up - you've...Read More...

You are not awful, on the contrary you are a kind and good person, the service you provide on this site and your helpful posts are proof.Read More...

thanks for your comment. I will keep reaching out.Read More...

((((DGUOM)))) Why is it that you say you "have to go home"? I don't know your circumstances so it is hard to comment. Have you spoken to your T about possible options that will free you from that situation? The reality is....the only thing that you "have to do" is make choices. Sacrifice is often a big part of choice. You just have to decide who or what you are prepared to sacrifice. At the moment it seems as though your happiness has been sacrificed. Choices DGUOM. Isn't it ironic that you...Read More...

CAT, thanks for your comments. My jealousy is much less than in the past, but when I see a client leaving my T's office I still wonder if he is more interesting, or she likes him more than me, and I am just another client to her. She once told me she has a special place in her heart for me, I didn't want to believe her, but part of me very much wants to believe her. I thought she probably says that to all her clients. Now I believe she is telling me the truth... more than likely. My psyc.Read More...

Hi, Thank you both for the information. )Read More...

Hi Violet, welcome to the boards! I can very much relate - my parents are both active in their addictions, and my mom is bipolar, among other mental and physical issues. I can also relate to what you said about being surrounded by people who are "there for you" yet you still feel alone. Have you been to any al-anon meetings? I have found them really, really helpful. There are meetings ALL over the world, and no matter where I am, whenever I walk into an al-anon meeting, I feel welcome,...Read More...

Wolfie... I'm sorry I missed this post. Of course you must be feeling very sad and depressed over hearing this news from your P. I was abandoned and banished by my oldT so I know how horrible it can feel. I think the best scenario in your case is to work together with your P to find someone who specializes in DID and who can take you further than your P ever could. I do agree though that it was insensitive of your P to say that he was relieved. He should have kept those thoughts to himself...Read More...

Cat, Thanks for the information. I have not made a decision what to do yet. But, you have been very helpful. :0)Read More...

Thanks you guys. Sorry it took me a while to come back to this. Hit a bit of a rough patch, but hanging in there. Sorry, also, for the confusion on who I am. I figured my ridiculous post count would give me away immediately.Read More...

granite, you did what you needed to do in order to survive your circumstances. and when you think about it, for a little kid it's pretty fricking SMART!!! like BLT said, i can relate to alot of what you wrote, although i did not suffer the abuse you did. i had an imaginary Chinaman friend that would kick anybody's ass should they approach me at night. and the usual little kid imaginary stuff. i think what you wrote is beautiful and i don't think it would be a bad idea to print it out and...Read More...

OH. MY. GOD. ((((( TN ))))) and everybody else that has gone through something like this ... i can't begin to imagine the level of hurt, betrayal, abandonment. i am SOOO sorry and wish i could give you all a huge, non-cyber hug. TN i hope your day is going as well as it can. thanks for sharing your painful story, and i hope sharing it here helped you heal a little bit more. do take care of your sweet selves, all of youRead More...

these are very good questions TAS! it really helps to review your progress and relationship. i'm on a long break right now so i've been thinking about stuff like this a lot (possibly in a more negative light). i didnt have a clear list of issues when i started seeing my current T. i guess in short they mostly are about my relationships and the way i feel about myself. when she asked i said that i've always felt broken and i hope she can help fix me. she also told me that my issues are deep...Read More...

hi athenacus, termination is soo hard, even if it is your decision or a mutual one. i think its good to make sure you give this phase enough time. whatever 'enough time' means you can decide or you can talk to your T and decide together. i hope 3 sessions will be enough, but maybe it's good to talk about it again to make sure? also, it would be good to talk about what happens after - are you able to see your T once in a while or if you have a crisis etc. when I terminated with my old T (of 6...Read More...

Thanks for the replies - I always appreciate your individual insights and personal experiences. I guess I'm worried that I'll be my usual insecure self...because I've already been sitting here thinking up all of the ways I'll sit across from her and apologize... I've been intentionally avoiding processing anything... and haven't written anything at all in my journal...Honestly, I've left the journal in my car this entire time. Generally because when I journal about something, it opens up a...Read More...

Thanks, Liese. For those of you who are not familiar with David Wallin here is a short bio taken from his own website.. David Wallin, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Albany and Mill Valley, CA. A magna cum laude graduate of Harvard College who received his doctorate from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, he has been practicing, teaching and writing about psychotherapy for nearly three decades. His most recent book, Attachment in Psychotherapy (Guilford, 2007), is...Read More...

Glad everyone is okay Liese!Read More...

((TN)) It was really lovely to read how sweet your T is with you - I know that's hard to accept - but he really does sound good to you and for you. A good match... I'm glad it's getting easier to tell your T when he's not doing stuff right or the way you need that IS a great thing to be able to do. I've been hot/cold on telling my Ts (and P) what they do that doesn't work. I have learned they are very humble and genuine and it's their "humanity" that I remember/hold on to when they mess up,...Read More...

i do sometimes think a T will mess with you, but hopefully in a way that will help you. i told my T a long time ago that i don't like the question "what would you like to talk about today?" and then guess what? that's how he would open sessions! i know it's my own junk and i should have said something every time he opened that way, but for some reason i just couldn't make myself do it. and now he has stopped with that question. i just wonder if i've missed out on a great opportunity to...Read More...