I only had one dream about my former T. It was shortly after the termination. I dreamed that my family and I were hanging out at a party with my former T and his family at this huge Spanish hacienda-looking place. And there were a lot of dogs roaming around (my former T told me a couple of times that he's a "dog" person). I had the distinct impression that we were going to be friends, and I was happy about that.

SG

echo, that is such a beautiful dream, I'd like to have one like that.

Deja Vu, I'm going to tell him about the dream, it's a bit freaky with the earrings in his ears. They must mean something feminine, maybe also something about listening?

The first dream about him that I discussed I got myself into trouble. When I told him that I had a dream about him, he must have thought "Aha, here we are!" and started to question me about my feelings about him in the dream. I nearly got away without telling him how I feel about him. Nearly...

I dreamed (after just a few sessions with my T) that she was really young, and was making me help her rearrange all the furniture in this church hall. But the furniture was all half-rotten cane, and was falling apart as we moved it. At the end she showed no concern, just wanted me to join her Christian youth group! (I'm an atheist...)

It drew to my attention that I was feeling just a LITTLE suspicious of her!! But I didn't tell her.

Thanks for starting this thread, Amazon! What struck me about your dreams is that they started out with two opposite extremes, and ended up with something in the middle. Maybe the extremes represent your fears about what you don't want him to be, such as too clinging or too distant. Maybe the third one represents what you want him to be for you. I like your idea that the earrings represent something usually associated with femininity, like listening. I will be curious to hear what your T says about it.

Summer, your second dream gave me chills. Considering what happened soon after, it sounds very premonition-like! And what you said about the dreams since then makes a lot of sense.

Echo, your dream reminded me of the scene in the movie City of Angels where Nicholas Cage (an angel) stays with Meg Ryan all night and helps her sleep. I wish it would have helped you like it helped her.

I experienced something with my former T that wasn't exactly a dream, because it happened when I was awake, but it wasn't exactly fantasy, either, because it was unbidden. Many times I felt him kind of hanging around and watching me, like a guardian angel. One way it manifested itself is similar to Echo's dream, with him holding me as I fell asleep. It manifested itself in a few other ways that I'd like to discuss in more detail with my current T, but in general his "presence" always felt protective, like he was guarding me, watching over me, making sure I was okay.

The reason I distinguish this from fantasy is because when I first noticed his "presence", I tried to make fantasies out of it, but they always turned out badly. Kind of weird when your fantasies go bad...I mean, if I'm going to fantasize, I should be able to make them feel good, right? Who would want to think up bad fantasies? But I couldn't make these feel good, no matter how hard I tried (and believe me, I tried ). When I stopped trying to turn this into fantasies, his "presence" didn't leave, but went back to the guardian angel type thing I described.

Maybe I just have an overactive subconscious.

Anyway thanks everyone for sharing. This is a really interesting topic and you all have a lot of insight as to what your dreams mean.

SG

During the time I first started thinking about leaving my exT permanently, I had the same dream about him for a couple of weeks.

In the dream his wife rang me and asked me to babysit their daughter as an emergency had come up. (I do know his family, they go to the same school as us). I was having a lovely time with their daughter and we played games and read stories and finally he came home and said I can look after her now. But he just ignored her and then went into another room and since she was only little in the dream (about three) I stayed and kept looking after her because she was obviously unsupervised until the Mum came home.

After I had the dream for a few nights I thought that their daughter represented me in our therapeutic relationship and he was ignoring my needs and it was up to me to look after myself. The dream actually helped me to make the decision to leave because I did know that by him constantly breaking his boundaries he was never going to put my needs first.

Good topic, Amazon. I like reading other people's dreams about their therapy. Interpretation is sometimes difficult, but it is irresistible not to try! SG, I like a lot of your possible interpretations - you think deeply about it.

Echo, I liked your dream about your T staying by your side and watching you all night. It sounds to me like you knew he was still there for you and still cared and wouldn't abandon you.

quote:

originally posted by Summer:
I had this dream and woke up feeling as if something was terribly wrong - couldn't shake the feeling.

Summer, wow, it must have been so hard to go through that! When your bad dream turned out to be a true premonition. I think it would make me afraid to dream again.

quote:

originally posted by Summer:
I think it's a fascinating topic? Be interesting to know if they dreamed about us??!!

Surely all T's/P's occasionally dream about some of their clients. After all, they are human (sometimes I have to remind myself of this) and need to dream to process their daily stuff just like the rest of us -- and practicing therapy is a huge part of their stuff. But most probably don't disclose it because it might not be good for us to know it. I think most of us want to feel (at least secretly) that we are as "special" or important to our T's/P's as they are to us. So if we knew they dreamed about us, it would sort of give us a feeling of power or equalization in the relationship.

I actually had my first dream about my T just a few nights ago. It is kind of embarrassing, but I'll share it anyway. (Keep in mind that my T is an older female that I tend to look upon as a mother figure). In the dream, I was late for a session that was supposed to take place in a new location - a huge, modern multi-level office complex. We were going to meet this time in a hot tub/spa area on one of the floors there. Except that by the time I arrived, T was already conducting a session in the spa with another client -- a female closer to her own age that actually resembled one of her real clients I saw in passing a few weeks ago. My T and the client stared at me when I first got in the water, but didn't say anything. I remember thinking to myself, "Was this supposed to be a group thing, or am I so late that I entirely missed my own session time?" Soon my T just seemed to ignore me and went on with her discussion with the other client, while I just soaked and sulked off to one corner of the tub in my own little world. It was then that I finally looked down and saw my ugly breasts floating above the water and realized I was naked. I realized I had come to the hot tub thinking of it in terms of getting a bath, and it was only then that I recognized that my T and her client had initially stared at me because I had been naked, and also they had probably seen some unsightly scars on my body. They were both dressed in modest one-piece swimming suits, and I felt not only embarrassed but angry that somehow I had not understood the "rules" of this spa session and had over-exposed myself. There wasn't really anything sexual about it though. And that's all. Like I said, a bit embarrassing!

MH, really interesting! Being in the water and revealing yourself. Like being in therapy and showing your scars there. ??

Well I'm no dream analyst, but I have to agree with you, MH - it's irresistable not to try! So I hope you don't mind if I do. Your dream seems to be symbolic of the hopes and fears you've expressed on this board. And I totally get that it's not about sex. It's about vulnerability. Maybe it's about what you want from therapy, and what you're afraid of in the therapy.

When I read your dream, something immediately came to mind that you said today on Hals "Stuck" thread:

quote:

for me I think the thing holding me back from being completely honest with my T is that I don't fully trust her enough. I don't trust that she will genuinely be there for me, that she will allow me to be dependent without being shamed for it. I don't trust if she is being 100% real, because we all know that T's/P's encounter countertransference which they try to hide from their clients.

Hot tub/spa = water, cleansing, healing, what you want therapy to be
Your nakedness = honesty, trust, genuineness, vulnerability, dependence
Your T in a modest swimsuit = holding something back, hiding, not being 100% real
The other client in a similar modest swimsuit = maybe fear that you are revealing too much compared to other clients, fear that your T wants you to hide some things
Their staring at you = Judgement or rejection, shaming you for revealing too much, for being too dependent

Thanks for sharing this, MH.
SG

Halo, your dream made so much sense, the way you described it. What an awesome insight for you to have, to realize that it means you already know how to take care of yourself better than your old T does. And powerful, that it helped you decide to seek out a new T.

I love how you describe the time you spent with the little girl, that it was "lovely", that you played games and read stories. Every little girl deserves a "Mum" like that.

Thanks, Halo!
SG

Wow, SG, you are really good at this!

And Halo, I agree with SG's assessment of your dream and your amazing insight. So true that "every little girl deserves a "Mum" like that"! I am glad you recognized that truth in your dream and were able to move on.

Thanks, MH! You all have such interesting, detailed dreams, with so much symbolism. I am a little envious I only had the one about my former T, which didn't have much symbolism at all, and none yet about my current T. So I'm enjoying reading about all your dreams very much.

There is more I'd like to post about the "unbidden" thoughts I've had regarding my former T, because I think there's lots of symbolism there too, but I'm reluctant to share them because they weren't technically "dreams". I'm afraid that the surface details will be seen as strange. But ultimately I think they point to a deep-seated desire for a protector, a guardian, a hero, a father, and a desire to be "seen" and treasured. Basically a longing for the things I didn't get growing up. Maybe I will get up the courage eventually.

SG

quote:

Originally posted by strummergirl:
There is more I'd like to post about the "unbidden" thoughts I've had regarding my former T, because I think there's lots of symbolism there too, but I'm reluctant to share them because they weren't technically "dreams". I'm afraid that the surface details will be seen as strange. But ultimately I think they point to a deep-seated desire for a protector, a guardian, a hero, a father, and a desire to be "seen" and treasured. Basically a longing for the things I didn't get growing up. Maybe I will get up the courage eventually.
SG

SG, I know some people have already shown interest in your idea to start a thread about fathers and what we need from them (myself included). It sounds like your unbidden thoughts would fall nicely into that conversation. Whenever you're ready, we are too...

Hi All,
I know I'm late to the party (real life keeps interfering with my posting ) but I hope you won't mind if I chime in.

First MH, I want to add to SG's very insightful interpretation of your dream. The thought that hit me was twofold. One aspect was the hot tub which I associate with relaxation and soothing away hurt which is our expectation of therapy. But when you climb in the tub, you find yourself naked and exposed instead. When we enter therapy, we often find, especially in the beginning, that things get harder (your embarrassment and exposure) instead of the comfort and improvement we expected.

I also found the bathing suit to be telling because of the one way nature of therapy. I once got angry at my T and told him that even though I knew the boundaries are necessary, he gets to hide behind them and not expose himself while I have to throw my raw exposed heart into the middle of the room to be examined. Your T was wearing a bathing suit, so she was protected and covered in the water (therapy) while you had to enter the hot water naked and exposed. And the other patient was clothed because you also don't get to know her exposure.

The really interesting thing about dreams in therapy is that there isn't a right answer. Exploring the meaning of the dream can lead you to uncover feelings and thoughts that you otherwise might not have.

While not being the main thrust of therapy, I have always found my dreams to be valuable in my recovery and have often discussed them with my T. With my first T when I was recovering the memories of the abuse, many of my breakthroughs came in the form of dreams (most of them not a lot of fun). When I discussed the dreams it would often connect me to another fragment of memory (I actually remembered being also abused by my brother because of a dream of both him and my father as vampires!).

With my present T, I've had significant dreams both with him in them and not in them. There was one point in therapy where I was really struggling with wanting him to be my father or to somehow belong to him, I kept having dreams of being at his house with his whole extended family. The weird thing was, his kids were really welcoming, but no matter how hard I tried, even though he was there, I could never spend any time with my T.

I had a dream once about running into my T as a restaurant that my husband and I go to that is very close to my Ts office and we had discussed with him once. He pulled into a parking spot and got out of the car and went around to his wife's door and held it open for her. The whole time he had his back to me and my husband while facing his wife the whole time. When I thought about it the next day, I realized that his wife sees a side of him that I can never see. I think it was the beginning of my accepting that I could have nothing beyond therapy. But also a recognition that I do have my husband. Its the only dream I've ever had in which both my husband and T were present.

Last but not least, I once had a really bad nightmare about showing up for a session and my T never showed. He finally came after I waited for him for hours, but didn't apologize and told me he couldn't see me. It haunted me so badly that I actually called him on the way to work. He was really great about hearing it. I remember when I hit the part of the dream where I told him about him totally rejecting me and not feeling bad about leaving me waiting, he actually verbally flinched. He was really reassuring because he recognized that on some level I was really wrestling with a fear of abandonment (kind of a theme with me.)

Great question Amazon, thanks!

AG

I have read all of the dreams/comments on here and you are all very brave and honest to post them. I'm glad they were of some help to you AG for piecing things together though I can only imagine how horrible it was to have to go through some of those experience again in a way.

Mh-your dream is so rich in symbolism. And will hopefully help you to understand your relationship with your T better.

I find it funny how vivid and detailed my dreams are as I don't usually see myself having a strong imagination or creative side. But mine have been so varied-many are just plain mad-I've had ones about various politicians, sportsmen, celebrities-usually anything that is one my mind I seem to work it out in my dreams.

As regards to my T I have had a good few....while I remember them well directly after and sometimes throughout the day after-I find it hard to recollect details now. However, just as I was finishing up with my ex-T I had a dream about meeting a new T. He was in a room and when I went in I think he was playing a violin and just kind of ignored me. As I tried to leave the centre I was knocked over passing by reception and was really shocked by this. I remember feeling very unsure of my new T. I have had some of my ex-T too-not erotic as far as I remember but he has popped up-most recently I got stuck in a room where I knew i would have to face him and just wanted to escape.

Last week I had a dream practically every night about one member of my family or another. The most symbolic one was me sitting in my brother's car. No matter what I did the car would shift forwards toward another car or backwards towards another car...likely causing serious damage to both cars. I was so anxious.

I could go on. i have had many dreams about my sexuality-erotic ones which have left me wondering.

@SG: I would love to hear your "unbidden thoughts". Though I wouldn't want to push you. I think the father thread is a great idea...I would definitely have some material for it provided I get the nerve to post some of the stuff....as for unbidden thoghts...I had those about my ex-T too and still do. I know what I want from him in a way but I find the erotic feelings are quite intense too...besides the emotional side. I still think about him that way, practically everyday. I walked past his office deliberately yesterday and i longed to go inside. i knew he wasn't there but I just wanted to sit in the waiting room and pretend. How pathetic.

Mrs. P

Hi there,

Great topic. Dreams are a large part of my therapy. Dreams are very tricky, and it takes a really experienced and insightful person to help you make sense of them. There are no meaningless dreams, and they are a creation all of your own. It has taken me a long time to understand this; that when something happens in my dreams, it's ME that's making that happen.

Dreams are a way for our minds to filter the messages from our unconscious; they are a kind of communication from yourself to yourself, and they are totally and completely unique to you.

Sure, people have common dreams of flying or being back in high school (a.k.a. a nightmare), being chased, etc, but they have meaning only in relation to you. There are no common meanings to dreams, only common scenes.

My dreams are pretty wild, and often so strange that I can't actually describe them. Sometimes they are so complex that I can only *feel* them. Still, I try to write them down and think about what I am trying to tell myself, or what I'm trying to make myself feel.

My dreams are rarely literal. The whole latent vs. manifest content thing totally applies in my case. If I have a dream about a hostile, aggressive cop yelling at me and/or threatening me, it's not about some jerky cop, it's more likely to be about a version of myself attacking/punishing me for something I'm doing in the dream, or something I intend to do or feel.

Who better to punish me than a hostile, male authority figure who is, after all, a very real part of myself formed when it split off at a young age in order to identify with my father as a way to feel close to him? The part of me that knows this is trying like hell to show the conscious me, but of course, the ego is thick as a brick and needs to be shown over and over and over and over again.

Something else I've learned about dreams is that it's rarely an either/or meaning. They can mean more than one thing, and it's never black and white. More often than not, the theme involves - among other things - mixed feelings about something or someone, and how I feel about those mixed feelings. Often, I didn't even realize I had - or had not allowed myself to feel - those mixed feelings. That is, until I show myself that that's exactly how I feel.

Despite how baffling, difficult and disturbing your dream life can be, I think it's so critical to pay attention to it. It's your soul and your inner life talking to you, albeit in a filtered way. I'm slowly discovering that ignoring this part of you is supremely unwise.

Sweet dreams!

Russ

I had a dream about jet fighters last night.
Oh, and that dream about my T form the first post, he was a hermaphrodite in it and confessed to me that was going for sex change operation (from female into male).
What the hell? There is something about sex/gender going on in my head (see thread: male vs female).

I had very similar dream before.

earings= I thought my counselor was gay.

long hair= I was wondering how my counselor would look with longer hair and when he showed me his picture with long hair, I was really surprised

anything else???

I had another dream about a therapist, few of days ago, something to chat about during the next session.
I remember that when I left from my session last time, my T didn't look so dead handsome to me, he didn't look so perfect anymore.

In my dream I had a therapy session with a different guy in a different place. The guy was lovely, tall, handome, blonde, late 20s let's say, sweet, kind and wonderful, looking a bit like an angel or something. He walked me after the session, and walked so close to me that I could feel his arm touching mine, and I felt protected and cared for and it was just wonderful.
At some point in my dream I asked him, that I suppose I can't have two therapists and I will have to choose one of them eventually. He agreed and admitted that he's hoping I will choose him. Then I thought about my real thearpist and I replied: "But you know that I already love him" and I knew I would choose my real T over this handsome and sweet guy.

And two things are coming to my head after this dream. That I love my T for the boundaries, for being so firm and strict sometimes (like a father). And the other thing is that I have the power over the man in my dream. He is being nice to me, cause he wants to be chosen. Is he the male part of me who turns into an ally after years of mocking me?

Hi all.

Had a dream about my ex-T last night. I have dreamt about theapists before but none of the ones I have attended. They were usually about me needed to see my T and not being able to or getting a new T and them acting horribly to me.

But last night I dreamt about my ex-T, the one I'm still hung up on and I can remember his face in the dream I was passing him somewhere and I waved and said hi but he only briefly replied and seemed far more interested in something else. I was so hurt I think it's because I keep thinking I'm going to bump into him when I walk around campus and it hasn't happened yet even though I've been working there since we stopped meeting-in September. Even my friends have seen him a few times.In one way I want to get it overwith and in another I dread ever seeing him again because I'm afraid it will hurt too much. I thought I saw him a few days again and felt instantly paniced and nauseated.

Mrs. P

What a non-productive session I had...
Pointless, I was just sitting there, hiding and refusing to talk and to feel.
It started with dreams.
Maybe last week he did too well interpreting my dream and saw in it things I didn't see and things I didn't want to tell him yet.
I told him my last nights dreams and when he asked me what do I make up of them I refused to give honest answer. I was just giving him raw data, here you go and don't ask for feedback.
I didn't want to feel and have him seeing my feelings.
So finally I asked him to get the dream from few weeks ago that I didn't want to read/tell before because it was about him and too personal. He wanted me to read it, but I refused because I knew I would get very emotional. That's what he wanted but I refused, so he read it himself. Again I refused to think, feel, and talk about details.
Part of me wanted to run away, but other part of me wanted to stay.
Then I said that I will have to go abroad in few months time for couple of days, but that scares me, being so far away from him, such a distance and I don't want to go. he suggested that will talk about it more in coming weeks and when I will be there I could call him in my session time. That was so nice, I didn't expect that, I thought that I might just text him but it will be much better to call.
And then this thought crept in: if I will be away, he will not get paid for the hour and if I will call him during my hour I will have to pay for the session time, so he won't be at a loss. It will be still fine for him. So he didn't suggest that because I need it, but because he will be able to charge me for the hour. Oh my God!! Such an awful thought! It can't be because of that! I'm thinking that the bloody fee is more important for him then me! It is horrible to think it and I'm sure it is not true. Then what, I suppose I would need to talk to him about it, bring it up. I can't imagine telling him that. This is the second bad thing about it - the idea of bringing it up. So shamefull... horrible... How could I say that, how could I tell that i was thinking something like that....

No, I never had calls with him before.
And I don't know if he meant that I can call him for a few minutes or for the whole hour. I understand that if he spend an hour talking to me it would be like a regular session nearly so of course I should pay.
It is not even a question of money becuase I pay him very little, it is just 20 euro for a session so it doesn't make a whole lot of difference for me or for him. Just the bloody idea of it...
I have to be something more then just 20 euro a week.
I know that thought came to me so I could hurt myself with it.
And then when I try to imagine how painfull it will/would be to tell about it...

I know it is best to be honest and talk about feelings. I know that when I get the courage to open up a bit more, and feel and show it, it always feels so great afterwards. And when I just sit and refuse to talk and bring up what's in me, it feels like I wasted my time and didn't take anything with back me, just feel cold and dead and miss him so much...

Amazon, I'm guessing your T was thinking of doing an entire phone session with you, not just a quick check-in call. I encourage you to do it. My last session with my T was a phone session. It was a rather interesting experience for me, maybe because it was the first time I had spoken to her on the phone period. She has a very soothing voice that I had not previously focused on because in regular sessions my attention had been partly distracted by her physical presence and body language. I found myself able to open up to her much easier on the phone; perhaps the physical distance between us and just knowing she couldn't see me made me feel safer to take the risk. I told my T maybe I should do phone sessions from now on because I was able to say things I didn't think I could have said in her presence. Really, I think I was trying to fool myself that the phone distance would protect me from feeling too needy for her, but the opposite happened and she still reached through to me anyway. Unfortunately, I then reacted to that "too close" feeling by terminating myself the next day. But I do plan to go back, like you suggested.

I've been pondering the last few days on the exact thing you pointed out about how we feel after a session usually being directly tied to how open (or not) we were with our T's. Looking back on all my sessions, I can see so far that the really meaningful moments have occurred only after I took risks. And the times I've been most frustrated have been when I was all closed up inside. I guess after awhile hopefully we internalize this lesson instead of having to re-learn it.

MH,

What I don't understand about your sudden termination is how did you get the strength and the courage to do it. You wrote before that you are at the stage of needing your T really, really badly and yet you were able to decide that you are not going to see her anymore. I can't imagine even thinking about it. It would be like dying for me. I miss my T so badly this week.

I don't think I had strength and courage, Amazon. I think I had stupid anger that was really a cover-up for my pain. There is a reason my name on here is Mad Hatter, because being mad is a defense I use quite often. Sometimes I think it is the only emotion I let myself feel. The fact is that I do need my T really, really badly. But what happened is that I had a personal mini-crisis at home following our last session, and I realized my T couldn't or wouldn't be there for me to hold my hand through it. I was all alone in my pain and I couldn't face it. I started doubting her concern for me, and realizing she would never, ever, ever love me the way I want her to, as if I were her own daughter. And so I turned that pain into the anger of feeling rejected, not being good enough for her or not worthy of being loved. I told her that I was hurting and couldn't deal with her not being there for me, so I needed to learn to not need her at all. And I tried to hold onto the anger, because hating her is easier than needing her. But eventually those feelings fade and give way to the pain again. So I am dying inside right now. Time has never moved so slowly for me. I need her, and I am going back to see her tomorrow, but I still can't trust her not to hurt me with that need. I don't know how she can help but hurt me. I fear it's a built-in part of therapy with no way around it. But it doesn't feel like a cure - it feels like being re-traumatized. I guess I am attracted to my T and being re-traumatized like how a moth is drawn to the flame of death.

MH,
let us know how your return session goes.

I'm having lots of dreams recently. Every week there is a dream to report. A lot of men in my dreams. Sometimes these are just anonymous men, that I don't even see their faces, sometimes it's my therapist's face, sometimes an unknown face. Last night I dreamt that I was sitting in a large comfortable reclining armchair, and my T was sitting on exact same one next to me. We were looking at each other and reclined the chairs completely at the same pace, I was feeling so comfortable and seeing his beautiful face exactly in front of my eyes, his eyes looking at me, and smiling and I felt so abolutely happy. And then my sister came and we had to rearrange the chairs, move them around and the beautiful moment ended. Then I was sitting opposite to him and he was talking to me using sign language only which I didn't understand, he was deaf in my dream. I managed to tell him that I can't hear him and can't understand him. I asked him, when it happened to him, when he became deaf and he replied that it was 4 and a half years ago. I looked at him closer and he had really ugly face, I still loved him but the beautiful face was gone, it was ugly, skinny, sharp and with discolourations.

Well, it looks like it's an early childhood story cast in that dream.

quote:

Originally posted by Amazon:
MH,
let us know how your return session goes.

Thanks for asking. I went back yesterday. I wrote a little about it in the Have any of you ever up and left your T/P for good? thread.

You have such interesting dreams. Do you think the part about him being deaf means you don't feel he is really attuned to you lately? And that makes him less attractive in an emotional sense?

I have been having lots of dreams but not remembering them very clearly. I did dream twice last night about my toddler dying or being severely injured due to what felt like my neglect. In the first dream he wandered off and went missing while no one was paying attention to him, and I feared he had drowned in a nearby lake. I woke up in a panic before I could search for him there. In the second dream he was at a younger stage of development - barely crawling/scooting. For some reason he was laying on a high table, and he proceeded to scoot himself right off the edge, falling head first onto the floor, and it was like I was watching it in slow motion but still couldn't get to him in time to catch him. Again, I woke up in a panic before I could investigate the outcome.

Hi MH,

Interesting idea about recoding sessions, but then I can't imagine how I could bear hearing my voice and me crying..eeewww... I would be so ashamed of how he actually sees/hears me. I'd say monotonous voice would sound much better then bowling, shaking voice ... no, I could not possibly stand hearing myself. Tell us what is it like, once you've done it.

Do you talk to your T about your dreams? I think the toddler is actually you, not your son. So the toddler in your dream is neglected, no one is paying attention to him, and just about to get hurt really badly falling on the floor. I wonder what your T would say about it. You should tell her that dream.

I think when my T appears in my dream, it is sometimes my father/mother transparing through him. Someone I love very much becomes ugly to me and does not hear me/ becomes deaf. Some other time I had a dream where my grandmother was my therapist, then her place took a woman (she opened the door once when I came to my session), and in my dream I was convinced that she is my real therapist and I was so happy to be there with her. I didn't remember my real T at all. And then I started to recall, that there was somebody else, somebody else I loved as much as her, there was a man, yes, there was a man who was my therapist and then I remembered him. When I told him this dream, he asked me who is a therapist. And the reply is: it is somebody you love. So there is my grandmother as my therapist, then there is a woman who is my real therapist (mother), and then I bearly recall that there was somebody else I loved - my T/a man/father.

I rarely remember my dreams. I only remembered about 2 this past year. Is it possible that I am not dreaming? Can anxiety and not enough sleep keep you from dreaming? My T says that I am dreaming but I just don't remember them.
Here is the only one i remember- It is pretty recent.- I am standing in front of a very large machine- sort of like a soda machine. It has large square panels with numbers on them. I am supposed to remember a code and enter it into this machine by pressing a sequence of numbers.(why- IDK) Every time my hand gets close to the number to press it- the number changes. Frustrating. I woke up very angry that morning. Any ideas?
GREAT topic by the way- I am enjoying reading about dreams. Thanks.

I had a rather gruesome dream last night. (WARNING: It is not rated G.) The setting was my grandfather's home, where myself and my children were hiding out from this unknown enemy(ies) who were looking to destroy us and anyone or anything who got in the way of their dark purpose. It was vague who this bad guy(s) was or what he/she wanted to accomplish; there was only this feeling that they were near and dangerous.

So I looked out the window and saw this stranger driving a strange wagon/machine contraption that looked like it was invented by Belle's father Maurice in Beauty & the Beast. It had this axe-chopping mechanism on it, and these steel teeth that looked like the jaws of life. Also on the scene were some steers (my grandfather used to raise them). The steers were clearly spooked by this machine/vehicle, and a few managed to cross through the fence where they were promptly seized by this machine, bodies torn in half, tossed up in the air, and then devoured by the mechanical jaws. Blood everywhere. Needless to say I was then convinced there was an immediate threat!

In a panic I ushered all the kids into one bedroom which had a door in it in case we needed it to escape. Then the driver of the death machine marched right into the house, all business-like. It was a woman whose face I did not recognize, but her hairstyle, body build, and voice were my T's. Her words were syrupy sweet but her mannerisms were assertive. Before I realized what was happening, she had snatched my baby, strolled outside, and laid him on this canopied altar covered with white lace that was set up on the grass. Surrounding the altar were several stranger-friends of the woman who were gathered there as witnesses. My first thought was that they planned to sacrifice my little boy! But the woman said they planned to perform a ceremony to circumcise him (like a Jewish brit milah, even though my baby is 18 months old, not 8 days old, and we are not Jewish). The strange thing is that I did not even protest this plan. I just became this frozen, submissive witness - almost calmly accepting that I had no power to stop it. Then I woke up.

That is quite a dream MH. I can relate to that feeling of being powerless. Somehow for me it would relate to the freeze response that is part of early childhood trauma. I don't get how things fit together yet, probably because I do not have much experience with dreams (as I posted earlier)

It is 5:40AM and I was just awakened by a dream. Many of my co-workers and students were in a large beautiful office complex. Studensts were there as well, but no classes were going on. People and commotion everywhere. I was looking for a quiet room-place to call my T, but unable to find one. (this is not part of the dream- but this was something from session- my T once asked me if some significant thing happened in my family when I was a baby- an infant, But I could think of nothing. I always relate to attachment girl, and my mother said that I was an extremely "good" baby- I played by myself for hours in my crib,- to me, a sign of an attachment disorder, a result of neglect, but as far as I knew- the freedoms-trouble I experienced from not being well cared for began at age 3-4 my earliest memories. It occured to me, sometime in my dream- that yes something did happen in my family- my grandmother died when I was 5 mos. old, right before Thanksgiving. My mom was very close to her mother, so it is possible that during her grief and mourning for her mom- she neglected me. this is making me cry.) Back to the dream -I was on the phone in all this commotion, and I yelled in a loud and angry voice, "OH YEAH, AND JUST WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?" The voice on the other end (I would have expected it to be my T's voice,) replied, "I would have held you" It wasn't my T's voice- It was mine.

Wow, helle, that must have been such an intensely empty, hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach to wake up to. The fact that it was your voice and not your T's - that sounds like perhaps a sign you are beginning to allow yourself to grieve? For me, I think I use anger to block out being able to experience sadness. Perhaps that fits you as well, because in the dream you were shouting first. It was after the anger that the unexpected acceptance came that you were denied the real and deserving need of being held. That is powerful. And difficult. Be kind to yourself today!

Actually MH, it was not terrible. I looked at it as perhaps I am learning to take care of myself. Does that make sense. Maybe I don't have to be so dependent on T. Just a thought.

Here is my one and only dream- vision about my T- (except of last night) This dream came after he taught me about mindfulness (which- by the way is fantastic- especially while skiing alone)This daydream-or vision give me great comfort.
I take a yoga class for the exercise. During one class- as I sat with my eyes closed concentrationg on breathing- I imagined my T and I were lying on the beach in the sand- watching the clouds overhead; not talking-just watching, and breathing. The only part of us that was touching as we lay side by side were the hairs on our arms, which I was acutely aware of. After a while, I got up, but he was gone.
This dream was last summer. I told my T about this- he smiled and said this was my romantic connection to him. No comment from me.

I had a dream that I gave birth to a baby girl. I remember I wanted to text poeple with the news (since I know that's what my friends did). I wasn't quite sure about being mother. I felt responsible and I felt that she needs me but something in me was relactant. I think I felt burdened. I decided that I will be breastfeeding her. Somebody told me that my breasts will be really sore but Ireplied that I will survive with that. So I struggled to teach her to eat and it took a lot of hassle. Eventually when she started to eat I felt my breast begins to hurt so I wanted to put her to the other side and she said that she doesn't like the milk. I replied to her that it's going to be good for her and it will make her strong.
Later on im my dream she was adult and very very tall, and I think I was putting my arms around her and wanted her to be a baby again. There was also a man for a while in my dream, but I can't remember who he was and what was he doing.

Do you think the baby girl is really you? Maybe the man that you can't really remember was your father? Do you always share your dreams with your T, and does he share his own interpretation, or ask you what you think they mean?

I shared my last dream with my T, and I have never before seen her take so many notes. She was writing furiously and asking questions, and all the attention she was giving it was a bit unnerving. Fortunately I haven't had anymore dreams of a creepy variety since then.

Thanks for sharing your dreams, your thoughts on them. This has been good for me as I usually do not remember dreams, and lately I have remembered a few.
Do you think the unsure girl could be you? Are you wrestling with something vital to you that is creating a particular uncertainty within you?

My T feels that it is not usuallys so much the content of of the dream as much as the feelings you are left with as a fesult of the dream. I guess different people have their own opinion, who knows- certainly not me.

Her is one- not really a dream, but more like a flash- just before waking up.-
I saw my T's face- (rather close range)and he had a look of amazement- of great surprise on his face- wide eyes, and all I heard was "OH!"- I woke up laughing. And when I think about it, It makes me smile. Weird Huh.

Please excuse the typo's- as there are many in the previous post. Proof-read before post- yea, good idea.

Helle, that is so wonderful! That's sounds like such a beautiful dream... so joyfull...

MH, I thin the baby girl must be me. Part of me wants to take care of her and be a good mother, but part of me doesn't, the baby is just hassle and a burden.

My T usually asks me how I felt in the dream or what do I think. Sometimes I just tell him a dream and refuse to talk more about it. Like I feel it will be something very revealing and I don't want to go there and show him what it may mean. Sometimes he gives me his interpretation, since I don't always know what the dream is about.

Few months ago I had a dream about godess of fire (that's how I called it). She lived in the Amazon jungle (??). She came naked to a village and one of the men followed her into the forest. When he was alone with her I started to feel fear in my dream, I felt that something bad is going to happen and he shouldn't be with her. She started to change, her hair turned into fire and the man looked at her and wanted to have sex with her. As he kissed her, the fire from her hair started to burn his face but he couldn't stop. Soon his whole body was on fire but he could not stop loving her. Eventually the man was destroyed. I remember feeling fear all the time in my dream and I actually woke up scared.

My T got fascinated with this dream. I didn't understand its meaning, but he did. He explained that the goddes is me, the man - any man I ever loved, and that destruction for a child means somebody is disappearing, leaving. And as I want to show my true self, my feelings the man gets destoryed, he vanishes and I'm left alone. He said that it's a very sad dream. I freaked out a bit because I didn't expect him to come up with this kind of explanation and see so much through it. No wonder I was afraid to give him this dream to read. And he got so carried away reading, thinking, talking about it that he didn't notice that our time was almost up. He noticed when I leaned over to check how many minutes is there left.

Wow Amazon, that does seem like a powerful- symbolic dream, but I have no comment. Sometimes they are so clear and so strong that we can't make that stuff up- but we do. Huh.