Just before he went on a two week vacation, my therapist loaned me some DVDs and gave me a book: The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions.

The book was written by one of his friends, although he hadn't read it himself. What he was doing was giving me something to keep myself occupied with while he was away

(Unfortunately, I took an emotional nose dive anyway, and haven't read the book, but the gesture meant a great deal to me!)

I'd like to add a little more now that I have a bit more time

My previous P gave me a small bag of tea after I commented on how good his tea smelled one session.

My current T gave me a copy of a drawing he made while he was on a retreat. A copy of some writing he did talking about a mountain climb.

My T repeats the teaching "Generosity is the virtue that produces peace." He says that slamming the door shut on gifts is a way to discourage generosity. Generosity is something he wants to encourage in his patients. So he gives careful consideration to each gift he gives or accepts based on the situation, the gift, if there are any strings attached. (He has to deal with me giving him little gifts most sessions Usually a copy of a drawing I've done, or a poem, a silly little crafted thing, etc.)

As for meaning for each?

The tea from my old P meant to me that he does remember what I say and thinks about me outside of my hour. I was delighted to receive it. I don't believe there are any ethical problems there, the tea was not monetarily valuable, and frankly, might have been the only thing we had in common as far as likes go

The book from my T, I already mentioned, was something for me to do while he was away, something I might find support and comfort in. He is ok with the fact that I haven't made it very far through. The DVDs he loaned me were of a story that has had a great deal of meaning in our work together. It's a common frame of reference. It's been helpful, and I enjoyed watching it. It meant a great deal to me that he wanted to share something he enjoys with me.

The drawing he gave me was a line drawing of the place he went on retreat. I took it and added color with my colored pencils and gave it back to him. He was so delighted, he said "we should work on more things together!"

The piece of writing about the mountain climb is the only one I don't have glowing remarks about. Your question reminds me that I still need to talk to him about it, because it made me angry at him and jealous, and I feel small and insignificant. I believe that this is another thing where he wanted to share something with me, and keep me occupied over a vacation. I don't have a problem with the gift. It may turn out to lead to a fruitful conversation, we just haven't had it yet.

I think that each gift was relevant to the therapy or at least, something going on in the therapy and that's why I don't think any of them crossed any ethical boundaries. When we were talking about gifts in our session the other day, he said "if I were to give you a sweater or you were to give me a coat, that would not be appropriate" the appropriateness depends heavily on the gift and the motivations for the gift.

Hi MH,
I'm not sure this would count as a gift but I have a blanket from my Ts office but it wasn't quite a gift. I had a very intense session once in which I was so upset that I got the very cold and started shaking. When I talked about how cold I was, my T said he had a blanket and would I like it? It was this wonderful chenille spread. It was incredibly significant because I was working on remembering the feelings surrounding when I would disassociate. I realized that the shaking and cold were what I experienced right before my father would abuse me. I had always wanted him to see what distress I was in and take care of me, but he never did and it was always about his needs.

So when I experienced that and my T brought me a blanket, it was incredibly healing because I felt like he responded to my needs and protected me. When I talked to him at my next session about how it had felt to have him give me the blanket, he told me that I had to stop protecting myself in order to feel protected.

Some months later, I had to talk to my T about being angry with him which has only happened one time before and he had had to drag it out of me. I was really scared to talk to him about how I felt but didn't want to make him drag it out of me. I knew my T couldn't hold me but I wanted the feeling of being held and the blanket was a very strong symbol to me of his care and protection, so when I arrived at his office, I asked if he still had the blanket and could I use it. He got it and I spent my session wrapped up in it.

Many months later I hit a bad crisis and called him and asked if I could borrow the blanket. He left it outside his office door on a shelf and I ran down and picked it up. I kept it for a week or so and washed and returned it. I was talking about how comforting it had been to have it and my T offered to let me cut off a piece of the blanket and keep it. But because it was a chenille spread with tassels on either end, cutting a piece really would have ruined the blanket. So I asked him if we could make a deal? I would buy him a new chenille spread and he would let me have the one from his office and he agreed. That blanket pretty much goes everywhere with me, my family calls it by the name of my T and tease me all the time about it. One vacation they actually put fake eyes on it and had whole conversations with it. It is a tangible sign to me of the relationship with my T and is very comforting when I need soothing. Both my T and my husband have been very understanding. I still occasionally take it to sessions if I think they will be difficult and I need that feeling of being "contained." It also serves as a very efficient signal to my T that I'm going to talk about something difficult. (When I come in with the blanket, I can imagine a little cartoon bubble over his head with "uh oh" in it. )

AG

quote:

Originally posted by Z:
My T repeats the teaching "Generosity is the virtue that produces peace." He says that slamming the door shut on gifts is a way to discourage generosity. Generosity is something he wants to encourage in his patients. So he gives careful consideration to each gift he gives or accepts based on the situation, the gift, if there are any strings attached. (He has to deal with me giving him little gifts most sessions Usually a copy of a drawing I've done, or a poem, a silly little crafted thing, etc.)

Z, I really like your T's attitude about it. And also the fact that there is a meaningful purpose behind each gift. It seems to me that this kind of approach would encourage the client to be more open in the relationship - sort of a natural reciprocal desire to give of him/herself in the therapy.

quote:

Originally posted by Attachment Girl:
That blanket pretty much goes everywhere with me, my family calls it by the name of my T and tease me all the time about it. Big Grin One vacation they actually put fake eyes on it and had whole conversations with it. It is a tangible sign to me of the relationship with my T and is very comforting when I need soothing.

AG, all I can say is WOW. I am almost speechless. What a neat story! It makes my heart sort of warm to imagine being wrapped up in the emotional comfort of that blanket. Wow! Has that made up for the no-hug policy? I think it would be even better than an occasional hug because you can take it out whenever you need it and for as long as you need it.

Hi AG that is possibly the very best thing I have ever read. It is so very hot here today but all I want now is to cosy up

I don't have a super feel-good story to share, but I love hearing your stories! My only experience so far is when my T offered me some Halloween treats (which I think were meant for her much younger clients) - not sure that even qualifies as a gift. I finally ate the popcorn ball the other day when I was feeling sad and needy. However, I still have not eaten the giant chocolate sucker because it is my only tangible connection to her and I don't want it to disappear. How silly is that?!

Not silly, MH, super-sweet! It's lovely that you have something to give you that sense of physical connection - I don't think I'd eat it either.

Just want to say hi to Mad Hatter and Jones and welcome to the Board! I've been pretty scarce lately due to some really hard stuff that I've hit lately relating to old trauma and also because my son had an accident... getting smashed in the mouth with a baseball bat ... and I've been running around to dentists and endodontists. I've barely been coherent so posting has been out of the question

As for gifts...I always bring my T gifts. I started by bringing him homemade foods. He has really raved about them and so when I cook I share with him. I have also brought him small significant trinkets that usually relate to things we are working on. A small statue, a pink ball, a bottle of pink sand from my vacation in Bermuda, and a t-shirt from another vacation. On our one year anniversary I gave him a keychain with an anchor on it because he is my anchor. For the holidays this year I'm going to give him some CDs that I will burn with significant songs on them, relating to therapy, my life and how I feel about him.

As for what he's given me (materially)... one day I asked him for something of his that I could hold onto when I went for a medical test that had me pretty scared. We both looked around his office for something small enough that could fit in my pocket. All we could come up with was a pen of his. So I have that. He has given me things like articles he cut out of the newspaper or printed off the internet relating to things we have discussed. Those meant a lot to me because it proved to me that he thought of me out of session. The same day he gave me the pen I was standing near his door when he pulled down a basket of little stuffed animals and handed me a threadbare dog as another connection back to him. A week later I returned the dog to him. A few weeks passed and I was having a hard time leaving him for MY vacation when he reached up for the basket again and told me to pick another dog and I said no... you pick one for me. So he did, chosing a soft, fluffy, Golden Retiever puppy that looked just like his dog. I still have that fluffy dog. He spends a lot of time with me and is my connection back to my T in times of stress and anxiety and insecurity. I told my T how much it meant to me and he told me to keep it as long as I want to. He may never get it back!

TN

Thanks for the welcome, True North! (And incidentally, nice name.) I hope you're finding your feet in dealing with the old trauma & that dealing with it gives you more freedom to move... as for your son and the baseball bat - OUCH! I hope he recovers fast.

I love the dog story, what a lovely thing.

I have this dilemma with giving gifts. I write professionally, and there's a lot of ME in my writing, although the writing itself is pretty obscure, hard to read for non-specialists and not generally available in everyday bookshops. I saw my last T for several months and never showed her any, but gave her some as a gift when I left. It felt good to give it to her, like she would see and maybe understand more of how I think & feel - but also like that was kind of wasted because I would never see her again.

Occasionally I think about sharing some with my new T, but at the moment I don't feel ready. Maybe it would accelerate some understandings, but I feel like either it would hurt me if she *didn't* get it, and over-expose me if she *did* get it. Come to think of it, that's kind of how I feel about that writing anyway - sort of ambivalent about it being out in the world. I also really doubt whether she'd want it - like it would be taking up her time outside of session, and I don't have any right to that. The thought makes me feel a bit horrible. I'm gonna think on this some more.

TN, it is nice to meet you. I've read a few of your posts and look forward to reading more from you. Is it you I read who has a son in therapy right now? If so, we have that in common. My oldest boy has been seeing a P since January, which was one of the reasons I sought out therapy myself.

quote:

Originally posted by Jones:
I also really doubt whether she'd want it - like it would be taking up her time outside of session, and I don't have any right to that.

Hmmm, sounds familiar! I went through something similar - not that I am a professional writer by any means - but I struggled whether to give my T some very personal writings for much of the same reasons you listed. The happy ending is that I finally did - over 40 pages worth (yikes!) but she took the stack eagerly, read all of it within a few days, and then sent me a note THANKING ME for the honor of being able to share in my innermost thoughts. We haven't ever spent much time in session elaborating on them, but strangely it became enough for me just to know she had DESIRED to read them and didn't resent me for the personal time it must have taken her to do so. I'd like to believe it helped her to understand me a little more, but even if not, at least I never felt rejected over it. Perhaps you should take a chance, Jones.

HI guys,
I really loved reading your stories, although some made me kind of sad. I didn't give anything to my T. Well I did. I gave him good few pages of my 'letters', I was writing down how I was feeling about him but I was too scared to tell him that. I also gave him few of my dreams written down. I would like to give him something but it scares me. I don't know what, I don't know how he would react, I'm nearly sure he would not like it, or it would not be good enough and I would feel pathetic. Maybe I will try givng him Christmas card, but I don't know if I will dare to do that.
Anyway it's good to read about your own ideas and experiences. That's something to think about. It's good to know that it is at all possible to give something and get something.
I can't really imagine him giving me something but maybe it is possible to ask for something?

After a particularly difficult session about a year ago, my T gave me a coin with an angel on it. I carried it in my pocket everyday until about the time I got laid off from my job - about six months I guess. The coin is now in my wallet. I appreciated the gesture but it seemed like the kind of trinket you could give anyone so it didn't feel really personally meaningful, just nice. She did mention that she keeps the same coin in her wallet and that makes it a bit more meaningful I guess.

River I think the angel coin is nice. And if she carries one also it must have some special significance to her that she is sharing with you.

TN

In the past, I have had no problem giving gifts to my Ts. My current T gave me a gift that means the world to me.

I went on a retreat, my T was the facilitator, 100's of miles from home. I am not comfortable around people, so this was a big leap of faith for me - I put my trust in her (totally). The 1st day of the retreat was very diffcult and by midday, I went to my room and curled up on my bed and cried.

At the end of the day - there was a knock at my door. My T came in and sat on the bed with me. She asked me if I was okay and I fell apart. I threw my arms around her and cried (bawled). I cried that I didn't think I had a soul. I wanted to go home, I just couldn't hande it! She spent about 30 minutes with me, trying to calm me down and comfort me. Out of no where, she goes "Do you want my teddy bear?" All I could do was shake my head. She left and returned with the cutest lumber jack teddy bear. I felt like I was 5 years old. I held on to him like I was afraid he was going to run away. So, she told me that he had no name and I could name him. She took my face in her hands, kissed my forehead and told me she loved me. I just curled up on the bed with the teddy bear and cried some more.

Well, that was a little over a month ago and I still have Batholamew... I intended to return him and on my first session after the retreat. I brought him in with me. I told my T that I couldn't give him back and she told me to keep him - but... if she calls me before a session and asks me to bring him with me that I will. Well, Bartholamew is my life line to my T. I never asked where she got him or what his significance was to her (he had definitely been well loved). She gave me a part of her and wow - what a gift!

KS

Hi Dragonfly my T has a circle of pebbles in her room with 1 pebble in the middle. I'm so tempted to take the middle one home with me lol

Ooooh i think something that belonged to her...I don't really know what i would like maybe one of her bracelet that she wears. What about you..what would you like

Heather

That sounds like im after her gold lol she wears a lot of dress jewellery so its nothing expendsive but would mean a lot to me

Heather

Oh no ive changed my mind, i want the same as you lol oh i suppose we can dream

I pop in everyday and do get a lot from the posts but when i try to post something myself i cant get the words out. My post would go something like blah blah blah blah. Well that how it sounds it my head lol

Heather

Thanks dragonfly, ive promised myself that i will try to show myself

Ok here you go....the shades are off

I agree, there's something personal about a handwritten card that would be wonderful. I received a card in the mail from my T once, but it was computer-generated and her message was typed, including the signature -- probably an assignment given to her receptionist because the outside envelope was hand addressed in the receptionist's writing. Still, I read that card over and over again, several times a day for a long, long time!

I am one of those guilty of Googling my T, but I've never found a picture of her online, only pictures of some of her relatives. It used to be hard for me to remember her face between sessions and be assured that she was real, so I would try to reconstruct my T's face in my mind by looking at pictures of her children and a sister to try matching similar facial/hair qualities. About 6 weeks ago my T allowed me to take a picture of her with my camera phone. It was at my request, but I still sort of consider it a gift that she allowed me to have that tangible connection to her. Because after all, isn't that a big reason why any of us would treasure a gift from our T, for the emotional connection? That's what I get when I look at her photo taken inside the therapy office where we meet together.

All I want from my P is a big teddy bear or some other kind of stuffed animal with his cologne sprayed on it so it will smell like him or a blanket that smells like him that way I can wrap up in it when I am having a really hard time or hug the stuffed animal at night when I am having a hard time.

I have two weeks left to find out if I get anything from him at all and the wait is killing me. But the good news is that my old high school psychologist said that he would bring me something in August when he comes to see me at my P's office. I dont know what it will be but I am excited to get anything from him. He knows I want it to be a transitional object just like the pins he gave me were, but I want something new so he said he would do that. Man I can not wait until May 12th and until August!

I have done almost every kind of stalking and searching on my P but have not found out what kind of cologne he wears, but that is the next thing on my list to do. He doesnt wear one that is very strong and I dont think he trusts me enough to get that close. I think he thinks if he lets me get that close that I am going to steal a hug or try to kiss him or touch him somewhere that he would think was bad.... which I just might, so he might have good reason to think that. But on the 12th I am going to try to get close enough to get a good smell of it and then I will be off to the store. I almost emailed his daughter once to find out what kind he wears, I wanted to set up a fake email account and act like I wanted to buy him a present and didnt want to ask him, but figured that would be taking things way too far.

I still remember the smell of the cologne of the very first guy I was in love with him. When I pass someone who is wearing that cologne my hear just stops. I think it would be that way with my P too. I should just be honest and tell him I want to know and see if he will tell me, but I honestly would go buy some and spray it on my blankets since when I am having a hard time I like to go lay down on my bed and cover everything including my head with the blanket. It would be nice at those times to be able to smell my P and feel some kind of connection to him.

My next mission at the next appointment it to either get something to help me keep the connection, find out what cologne he wears and get some or get a hug. I think its only fair that I get one of those three things, come on seriously, its not like Im asking him to sleep with me or something.... well, I have done that and maybe if I put that as one of the choices he will see how little the other things are that I am asking for. I think I will go in there saying "I love you, I cant live without you any more and I need you to have sex with me right now.... or you could give me something to help me keep the connection with you or a hug. Its your choice."

I have never received a gift from my T and I have never given her one either. I don't think that she would ever give me anything. She is very strict with boundaries and I'm guessing she would feel like she would be crossing one.

quote:

A picture of my T would be great and I know what you mean about not remembering her face..... well I do but its not clear enough.. has your photo on your phone worked MH? I would love to know if you have the time to reply.

Hi DF, thanks for asking since I like to talk about my T. Yes, IMO the photo has helped. The first day I took it I did not dare look at the photo for several hours after I got home from session. I don't know why I was afraid. I became emotional and started crying (not something I often do) when I finally looked at it. The feeling I had was, Wow, she is REAL and I did not just imagine her! I remember her face better now, but of course it helps that I look at her photo every single day.

I should add that my T did voice her concern that having her picture could be a crutch or handicap in the way of developing object constancy. I felt like I disappointed her somewhat when I asked for a photo anyway, but so far I haven't been sorry.

Ah gifts... I do give my T gifts but I am careful to keep them under $10. We have discussed the gift giving, as it's all grist for the mill, and we have reached an agreement that he will let me know if it gets excessive or if they are inappropriate but he says I have never done that and he trusts me to keep it simple. I usually give him things that have a personal meaning to something we are discussing. I also bring him home made food items, especially around holidays.

As for what he gives me...well once I asked him for something to take with me when I had a scary medical appointment and we settled on one of his pens. When I was leaving on vacation last year and was feeling scared to be so far away from him he gave me a little stuffed dog he had in his office. I treasure that dog and he has become a very comforting transitional object. My T totally gets this and sees no problem with it. I may ask him for a note this year when he goes on vacation since the last two times he left for vacation I really struggled. I think having a personal note from him to hold onto will help ease my fears. I have emails but having something in his handwritting would mean so much more. I am also lucky enough to have photos of him. They were especially helpful in the beginning when I had a really hard time remembering what he looked like.

Hey SG... speaking of gifts... did you ever give your T the plant?

TN

Hey TN!

Thanks for asking. Um, no, I didn't give it to her. Still working up to it...which is another way of saying, I'm afraid to. The therapy is going really well right now. Or at least, it is going exactly the way I've wanted it to go all along, it's going in the way I've been wanting to try, we are getting to some of what could be "grief" work, to see if it will help with my relationship and parenting issues. Last week I felt safe enough to really cry in front of her, just like I do when I'm alone. And this week she asked me how I felt about that, and I can honestly say I feel okay about it, I didn't feel like I was "too much" for her. But I made sure to tell her it's because she doesn't react as if I'm too much, she is able to "contain" me and make it safe for me to feel in there, and I really appreciate that, because if she did act that way, I would not feel safe and would keep shutting down. (Although this week I did go hyper-cerebral on her...maybe to make up for last time?) Anyway I don't want to do anything different that might upset the applecart, so to speak, because gifts in therapy can be a touchy subject. And yet, I really want to show her my appreciation in some tangible way other than her (relatively miniscule considering her skill, IMO) fee.

So right now the begonia is sitting on my gardening bench in its pretty little hanging pot. Waiting for the right moment. Also waiting for a turtle, since I haven't had time to find one I like, to tuck in there.

BTW, as long as everyone else has talked about gifts FROM their T's...my T has never given me a gift. I can understand in some cases why it might be okay, as long as it is something that helps a person in their therapy and doesn't imply a promise of something more that the T can't ethically give. And lots of people here seem to be describing exactly that kind of gift-giving from their T's, and it is really cool to see how the gifts symbolize their unique therapeutic connection. A gift like that would be a little priceless treasure. But right now I don't think I would want one, because I know what I would do with that. I would start to worry what she means by that, does she expect anything in return, is she mad at me because I didn't respond the way she wanted me to...in other words I would start worrying about her needs, even if that's not what was intended, and the therapy would come to a grinding halt. This is another reason why I'm hesitating to give her the flower...I'm afraid it could work the other way and trigger some kind of counter-transference.

Actually she is giving me the best gift right now, in keeping her needs out of the room for that one hour a week, and yet remaining responsive and empathetic. Even though I "know" that's how therapy is "supposed" to work, I really have no idea how she does it and am very appreciative that she can do it. That kind of attention is worth WAY more than the tiny fee she charges, so in that respect, it feels like all the gift I could want right now. Later on it would be really cool if we could exchange something symbolic like I've read about here. Just not right now.

SG

dragon fly - I dont think it should be considered as having serious problems, I think it is being creative in getting you needs met.... although that is what I used as an excuse for my stalking as well. If he would have just let me come see him at home I would have had to hang out in his neighborhood and I needed to be close to him so I was just creative in getting my needs met. And trust me, if I knew the kind of cologne he wore I would be spraying it on everything I own!

quote:

Originally posted by Mad Hatter:

I should add that my T did voice her concern that having her picture could be a crutch or handicap in the way of developing object constancy.

I hadn't heard the term "object constancy" before, so I looked it up. But I don't quite see why that would be a concern, in terms of it being a negative thing. Would you elaborate on that a bit? I'm asking because I carry a pic of my therapist with me and I was just wondering if that's a bad thing.

thanks,
WLOH

Hi WLOH, I am not an expert on object relations theory and not sure I grasp fully what my T meant, but I would like to try and answer your question according to my own understanding. It's going to take me more time than I have at the moment, but I will try to find time later tonight to reply.

OK, I am back. Here is my best guess answering your question, but maybe someone else has greater understanding to add as well.

The following descriptions are borrowed from the website Out of the Fog:

“Lack of Object Constancy - Object Constancy is a psychological term used to describe the ability to think of other people or objects as "still there", even when they are out of your immediate field of vision. Object constancy is a developmental skill which most children develop at about age 2-3. A lack of object constancy is a symptom of some personality disorders.”

“Object Constancy is the ability to understand that some things or people remain constant - even when we can't see them or verify that they are "still there". Object constancy can apply to objects or to people and relationships…. This can be at the root of issues fear of abandonment, as well as dissociative memories, selective amnesia and false accusations.”


Basically, a person who did not achieve full development of object constancy as a young child will emotionally experience objects/people as “out of sight, out of mind” and requires the constant attention of “other” in order to feel connected to “other.”

For me, the more time that passes with no contact with my T, usually the more distant and insecure I feel in the relationship. I guess healthier folks don’t experience their emotional connection to others as changed or threatened during times of separation.

How does having a picture of my T relate to object constancy? I just know it (1) acts as a proof to me that she exists more than just in my mind, (2) triggers memories of therapy discussions we‘ve had (since the office where we meet is in the background of the photo), and (3) helps me visualize her compassionate expression and imagine the “good T“ over the “bad T“. It is my security blanket.

Why is this a bad thing? I don’t know, except maybe my T wants me to learn to not depend upon transitional objects? Maybe its sort of like wanting a child to give up the pacifier, or thumb sucking, or their Linus-blankie. Maybe it is keeping me from “growing up.”

Hmm, my T once said something that it is diffucult for me to ... remember(??)... him in between the sessions. I'm not sure how it works, but when I come back after not seeing him for say 2 weeks I need to reestablish the connection from before. It's like I am making sure during this first session that it's still him and he is the same as before and our relationship didn't change??. Could it be it? I am really not sure.
However I got the "ultimate gift" that your wrote about few posts above. A handwritten card. Short note to take with me when I was going abroad to visit my family and I was feelieng a bit insecure about being so far away from him. He decided to give me something that would remind me of him. But... I am supposed to give it back to him when I'm back.

Amazon I wonder why it is he wanted the hand written note back? It’s almost like he’s ‘loaned’ it to you on a temporary basis and I have to say I would find that quite upsetting. Why can’t he just let you have it to keep? I think others have said this too about their Ts giving them something but only temporarily. I think I would rather not have anything than something that has to be given back - would make me feel like I don’t deserve something permanent, like it’s not really a gift at all. Don’t know, confusing feelings there for me.

I read this thread ages ago when it first started, and thought oh well I’ve never had anything from any of my Ts but just remembered that my prize A1 cow of a therapist from many years ago did give me a gift, totally unexpectedly, for Christmas. A lovely pottery casserole dish (which worked fantastically in the microwave lol). It really threw me as I hadn’t gotten her anything and felt really bad about it, it then made me have to consider in the future that I needed to think of her as a sort of ‘friend’ and think of things to do for her and give her. At the time I knew nothing of boundaries (and nor did she for that matter!) and realize now that it was not the right thing for her to have done, given the dynamics of our ‘relationship’. There’s so much back then I didn’t know about that would have helped me - wish this forum had been around in those years (but home computers hardly existed back then anyway lol).

Lamplighter

Lamplighter, to be honest I don't know why, but I think it may be part of his boundary keeping.
Also on the other hand I will be glad to give it back to him, because then I will see him, and this is much better gift. This short letter is like a bridge between the last and next session. Something that reassures me that I am going to see him again because I need to give it back as I promised. So I feel very calm about this.

The tricky part is that I have a small gift for him. And this is going to be really hard thing to do. He said he will accept it but only if I tell why I want to give it to him. This is going to be scary...

quote:

Why is this a bad thing? I don’t know, except maybe my T wants me to learn to not depend upon transitional objects? Maybe its sort of like wanting a child to give up the pacifier, or thumb sucking, or their Linus-blankie. Maybe it is keeping me from “growing up.”

Thanks for clearing that up for me, MH. What you said makes it a lot easier for me to understand. I definitely have moments in session where I'm quite child-like (he has a comfy blanket in there for those moments)& I think that (feeling little again) is part of the whole experience. Maybe you're not ready to "grow up" yet and that's ok, we'll get there when we're ready.

Amazon - I'm glad you're ok with giving the card back; I admire you for that strength because I wouldn't want to do it. I have a handwritten note from T that I carry--I wouldn't want to give it up and luckily for me, he's ok with that.

Tomorrow is the big day to find out whether or not I get something from my P. I am so nervous and dont know how I am even going to go in there and talk about it because I am so scared that he will tell me. I think I might have to write stuff down to help me be able to talk if I am even brave enough to show him what I will write. I am already dealing with depression that came out of nowhere, not sure why I feel depressed but I do. And feeling this way going into the session always makes it harder to talk. I dont know what I will do but I am praying that I will leave his office with something special that will help me keep a connection with him between sessions. I really need something like that and I am hoping that I explain myself well enough to make him realize that it is what I need. I am excited and nervous at the same time.

Errr, this thread is older than the world, so I feel quite self-conscious at answering it, but still.
I'm not sure it can exactly "count" as a gift, but since it was and is something big for me, I will consider it as such. My T let me choose a stone from the office (there are always several of them and we use them for various exercises), and then gave it to me, to represent her caring for me, and to allow me to have it between the session.
The truth is, it scares me to death, and makes me feel guilty... but some small part of me (the hopeful one) just finds it so amazing and kind. I can't believe she would do something so nice (not because I don't think she's nice, just... why nice to me? I'm a nobody. I know it's her job, but still... it feels like I do not deserve it.)

So... I just wanted to share. (Ok, and now, I can be scared that I can be recognized. It looks like a good idea and a lot of fun.)

Thank you a lot for this answer! (Yes, it does reassure me because I really was worried^^)