Hi MLC,

I've experienced something like it, but I'm not sure I have any insight. Early on in my relationship with my T, before we got the attunement thing going, I was having these really strong feelings of anger and rejection towards her. She would say these provocative things in session and while in session I was just numb, but when I came away I felt such rage, and yes, hatred.

I guess I knew it was something connected to transference - an emotional reaction to her getting close, but not close enough. So I just kinda let it happen and it's faded away - but it wouldn't surprise me if it comes back in full force at some stage. I can feel it inside me - not connected to her, specifically, just there.

I feel a bit like others seem to feel about crying, though - I'd give anything to be able to release this feeling, somehow. In daily life it's too scary. I have this desire that someone somehow might love me through it, but it seems impossible.

From the other side of the fence, though, I don't think it's something to hate yourself for. Your T will know (presumably!) that this reaction doesn't really originate with her - and I reckon she'll probably know how to accept you and help you through it.

Are you going to share it with her? Let me know how you go!

Hi mlc,

I've started becoming angry at my T between sessions sometimes. It always goes away when I'm in session so I'm not always good about talking to him about it. My T is always quite interested to hear about any anger I have towards him. He tells me that love and anger are twins, you cannot have one without the other.

I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of, it could be a way to learn more about yourself if you can talk to your T about these feelings.

Sometimes, I think my T likes to hear about me being angry at him more then he likes to hear my gratitude

Hi mlc,

I posted a similar question once on another thread. The only difference is, I was asking because I didn't feel the hate part, but a lot of fear instead. But I got some answers that might be helpful to you. Just in case you haven't found it yet, here's the link to that thread:

The love-hate flip-flop

And here's a more in-depth explanation of feelings evoked in therapy. It's a link to the Guide to Psychology website that I've found very helpful. You might have to scroll down maybe a third of the page to find the section that specifically addresses the love-hate flip-flop.

More on the love-hate flip-flop

SG