Hi Freuds Fly on the Wall, (FFOTW )
Awesome name! and welcome to the forums. I do believe I've worked through my abandonment issues. I'm extremely busy at work right now so I'm just going to post links to a bunch of my old posts that I think could give you an overview. Sorry it's not more specific. But please feel free to ask more detailed questions if you don't find anything helpful in all that. Looking forward to getting to know you.

Intense but really good, session with my T

In a different place

A totally irrational fear

Meltdown and boundaries

I'm really struggling

Ending is going to be a tad harder than I thought

The Absence of Fear

The Mother of All Fears

Moving away is triggering me both coming and going

Completion party for Attachment Girl

AG

Hi Attachment Girl, Wow as I read your posts it was as if you have been in my head. I found them difficult to read too, they were touching those parts of me that I haven't been able to put into words with T.

I did tell her once that I was afraid of forgetting myself and running to her and hugging her and that she will push me away, she replied quitely "I wouldnt push you away". I haven't spoken about hugs since then, want to but afraid she will say ok lets hug.

Your relationship with your T sounds so similar to my own and hope one day to be as open as you have been, infact your posts have perhaps given me some courage to put into words some of my longings.

quote:

Meltdown and boundaries

Oh, AG...I just read the post above and you described exactly what has been happening with me and T lately. You said this "The relaitonship is real, he really cares for me, but I'm not special, I never will be." and that is what I am struggling with greatly. I do feel like I'm likely nearing the end of my therapy journey adn although in my heart, I know that he cares about me. I challenged him one day and told him that I thought it was silly that I even imagined that he would really care about all this stuff I was telling him, for goodness sakes, I paid him to listen to me. (early on I felt like a John you know, paying for a friend!) He gently corrected me and said, "Just because you HAVE to pay me each week doesn't mean that I don't care about you or what is going on in your life." Why can't I just accept that? I can't I take that as a yes, he cares. Instead, I email inbetween sessions and last week threw a bit of a tantrum. I'm starting to wonder if it is less about me needing to email for my own good or is it that I want him to think about me? I realize taht most likely throughout the week, he thinks about me little, if any. I realize that and for the first time in a very long time, I think I am starting to feel like...DUH...I can't believe you were so stupid to think that he gives you a second thought outside of session. Now, I am likely being a bit overdramatic, but I think the sooner I can accept that it is ok, I think that I will be able to make a good choice when I am feeling the need to email T. I think I will be able to say...really, do I need to email T to get through this or am I coming up with a reason to email T so that I can "pop" into his head, so I can take a day where I am quite certain that T isn't or hasn't given me a thought and suddenly, I'm there! Ok, I'm maybe rambling and sorry, but wow...this just all hit home and as I come to the end of the post, I am figuring a few more things out......That's why I love this board Thanks Frueds fly on the wall for the topic and AG for your contribution. As always, spot on! Hals...

Hello Frueuds fly and welcome to the forum.

I am working on my abandonment issues- even though I would say I’m still at the beginning.

quote:

Originally posted by Freuds fly on the wall:
My therapist often tells me to look for her within me, its hard to do this, I dont seem to be able to find her.

What exactly does she mean by this? Has she explained it to you? I’ve been trying to realize that he’s still with me even if we are apart. I can remember his caring words and feel comforted knowing that he still cares about me even when we are apart. Is that what she means??

I think its about internalization, instead of just the internlized critical voices I have. Object relations I guess, but sometimes its as if I cannot find her and panic sets in. Then I experience her as just not being there and that not being there becomes a badness.

Hello Freud’s Fly and welcome to the forum.

It sounds like you’ve gotten a fair way into your therapy if your T is now counting on your having internalized her to the extent that she feels confident you can look for her inside yourself when you need to.

I haven’t got anything of value to offer as the only internalizations I have are of negative judges - including T. And my abandonment issues are still hidden away beneath a pile of other stuff so don’t even know how to begin thinking about how to deal with them

But it sounds like you’ve got some positive sense of her inside you, at least at times. I hope you are able to continue taking her in. And hey, if your therapy is anything like AG’s, then you’re in a really good healing place

LL